How to become an interesting interlocutor wiki how. How to be an interesting person? Loudness, speed, brightness, rhythm - that's what catches
Then the question of how to be an interesting conversationalist It must have crossed your mind more than once. We offer a brief overview of this topic.
Almost everyone has the ability to chat, but the ability to be a good listener is not given to everyone. It is believed that the ability to listen is a great art. After all, listening without interrupting the interlocutor, and then starting some kind of speech is not an easy task.
With such people you want to communicate again and again, share your thoughts and in general, have a good time.
Undoubtedly, you heard such phrases of surprised men: “I listened to her silently for two hours, and she said that I was the most interesting interlocutor of those whom she met.” Think about it.
Two types of interlocutors
- Talkers. Obsessive talkativeness incessantly will not lead to the desired effect or a positive impression on your interlocutor. There is not a single person who would be willing to listen only. People need to tell their own stories. And given the fact that chatterboxes never change roles, and strive to always be in the spotlight, they are naturally disliked. Such comrades will never become interesting interlocutors.
- Silent people. To remain silent when someone is speaking is, of course, a noble occupation. But excessive silence and a rare nod of the head, instead of active and interesting dialogue, does not count as the ability to listen at all! From this position, there is also no way to achieve the desired effect. It is unlikely that they will want to communicate with you again if you are silent all the time. Various articles on personal growth You can find such a thing as "Active listening". So you need to understand that it is precisely “active”, and not clamped and gloomy.
By the way, you can get acquainted with the most famous.
How to be an interesting conversationalist?
The first thing to do is decide who you want to be in society. You can take an example from a person with whom it is pleasant to communicate in reality. Copy his facial expressions, gestures and some phrases that you like. It is also necessary to change behavior: if we change, then only for the better.
An interesting fact is that we, in fact, always copy someone. It is no coincidence that a wise man said: Everyone comes into this world as originals and leaves as copies.". Since childhood, we imitate and imitate the people around us. So isn't it better to use this natural mechanism consciously?
Active listening
It is necessary to conduct a dialogue, looking into the eyes. Foreign objects, such as a phone or other gadgets, distract attention and leave a bad impression of you as an interlocutor.
It is necessary to create an atmosphere in which the interlocutor will feel interested in his story. It will not be superfluous to use a small number of words during the story to convince the interlocutor that they are listening.
Ask clarifying questions, but without going into unnecessary details. It is important here not to overdo it. active listening did not turn into an interruption.
After the story, it is worth sustaining a certain pause, lasting no more than three seconds. This is necessary so that the narrator can add a couple more words. Then there will be no awkward situations.
An important factor to always consider is to watch your actions. While the interlocutor is telling another story, an idea may arise in the head: what to talk about next.
To avoid such situations, carefully and actively listen to the story of the interlocutor, and then you don’t have to come up with a topic for conversation, since you can organically cling to a fragment from the story and talk about it for a long time.
And most importantly, you need to think before you say something.
It is also appropriate to emphasize that you should never belittle or belittle the dignity of a story or a case from life that your counterpart tells. An interesting interlocutor will never say the phrase: "That, that's nothing, but I had a case ...".
I must say that respect is not manifested in any specific actions or gestures. It is felt on a subconscious level.
Talk about him
You are probably familiar with an interesting aphorism: Start talking to a person about him and he will listen to you for hours". Pay attention to this extraordinary moment.
We are all selfish by nature. Most people eagerly listen to a storyteller, only to start their own story afterwards. If you want to be known as a good conversationalist, listen actively and emphasize the merits of your friend more.
Anyone can be an interesting conversationalist
So, in order to become an interesting interlocutor, always try to mentally respect the speaker and listen carefully, actively. Perhaps this is the great skill that distinguishes worthy people from empty talkers or vice versa, notorious silent ones.
It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
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Throughout life, people often ask deep questions, the answers to which are not so easy to find. Every person is inherently a thinker and a sage. We often create problems for ourselves that turn into whole philosophical dilemmas. We all wish society and ourselves. And what is needed for this? Probably, one should be an interesting and very inquisitive person who improves throughout his life and strives for his goal. How to be interesting for society? Let's settle this once and for all!
How to change your life to become an interesting and happy person?
Try to constantly get new knowledge, do not sit in one place. You probably have an acquaintance or friend with whom it is incredibly interesting to have a dialogue. Have you ever wondered why? Perhaps your interlocutor lives a very interesting and eventful life - he has many entertaining stories and adventures, he boldly speaks out, smiles and gives the impression of a generous person. Believe me, you are exactly the same! You just need to unlock your potential. So let's start changing your boring life right now!
You need to drastically change your daily routine. And with what, actually, to begin? Let's imagine how you are going to work: you get up in the morning, brush your teeth, have breakfast, get dressed, leave the house and go to work along the already familiar and boring route. Don't you think that you have become a little robotic? Each step from this sequential chain is predictable, and this is a priori uninteresting.
Let's fix this! Waking up in the morning, do light exercises (jogging, gymnastics, aerobics, fitness). Physical training well cheers up for the whole day - you will always be cheerful and positive. Then we proceed to breakfast - eat only those foods that are healthy and that you like. Very commonplace advice, however, if you act according to this plan, you will already eliminate a significant part of the negativity from the coming day. After the meal, we leave the house and choose the most unusual route for ourselves. Let you be a few minutes late for work, but your emotional reserve has been replenished with new places and impressions.
Stop giving yourself to the "black mirror"
In the age of modern and information technologies people are no longer alive. Whoever you take, everyone has gadgets with a set of rich and interesting features. Undoubtedly the latest technology began to make life much easier, and this is at least interesting, but smartphones, tablets and laptops catastrophically absorb our lives. Some people are simply addicted to devices, so this hobby should be limited to some time.
Also, one should not neglect real, live human communication, because it is here that the answer to the question of how to be interesting person and interlocutor. Turn off your phone! Let it be for a few hours, a day or a week - it doesn't matter, the main thing is to do it. The world has a limitless number of activities that are waiting for you. Meet the dawn with friends and family, go to a Chinese restaurant, walk through puddles in an uninterrupted downpour. All these absurd and sometimes infantile things make you more interesting as an interlocutor, friend or relative.
How to be always interesting? Be generous!
A truly interesting person always spreads the word around. You must constantly share your findings with others. If you have managed to saturate your life with exciting events, then it is always worth taking the initiative in their storytelling. Sometimes those things that seem obvious to you will become a real discovery for your interlocutor. Long forgotten by you is something new for others. A sociable and generous person never forgets his ideas, they multiply with
Never put off important things for tomorrow. Courage and perseverance will turn your life into an endless series of feats. dull and boring person it is common to wait, and he himself does not fully understand what. Happy man does not know what an "insurmountable obstacle" is! Go to those places where they are waiting for you, where you should find yourself: it makes no sense to sit by the phone - call, waiting for an invitation is also not an option - invite yourself, turn ideas into events, help others, and life will become easier. This is how they become the soul of the company and the whole core of society.
Stop striving for the ideal, because it simply does not exist! There is nothing perfect in the world, just like there are no “normal” people. Each person has a number of shortcomings, complexes and oddities. Some suffer from it, while others do not attach importance to it. And which one is right? Similar questions do not expect an answer. Own shortcomings and oddities must be skillfully accepted, and sometimes proudly demonstrated! This is the concept of personality.
An interesting person is always unique, because he remains himself! His pride and individuality demonstrate power and dominance within society. Stop apologizing for being different from others, there is nothing wrong with that. Your views and values \u200b\u200bare inherent only in you and no one else, they should not be changed for the sake of public opinion. This does not mean that you should not give a damn about everyone, because in this case everyone will spit on you at the same time. This suggests that you prove to society the validity of your own decisions: you express what you know, do what you know how to do, and live as you see fit. And you do not need a large niche for this - a small piece of land is enough to stick your flag.
How to be an interesting man in dealing with women?
- Give the impression of a successful and not afraid of difficulties person.
- let's good advice and offer your help.
- In dealing with women, behave like a real gentleman.
- Never joke too vulgarly.
- Try to use monosyllables as little as possible.
Tips for men on how to be interesting. It is very easy to take possession of a woman if you follow the following rules:
- Show and show your respect for the fair sex, they appreciate and feel it.
- Never lie and do not say too much - a real man must be held accountable for his words.
- Remember all the little things and details that your interlocutor describes in order to further prove that her words are not empty for you.
- Respect her boundaries, which she has set for herself regarding your love and attention.
- Show courage and fearlessness.
- Give her unobtrusive compliments.
- Be yourself.
In communicating with people, it is extremely difficult for us to understand at what point we become bored, because we really tell about interesting facts and believe that this is the best thing to tell a friend or friend. If a person begins to look away and simply yawn, then try to immediately finish your story, perhaps he also wants to speak out. An excessively long story about oneself, a loved one, quickly gets bored, it is not in vain that they say that the best interlocutor is a good listener.
How to win an interlocutor?
How to be interesting in everything to keep the listener? Try to ask as many questions as possible to find common interests as quickly as possible. If you win, your dialogue will turn into mutual pleasure, where you will exchange experiences and feelings with great pleasure.
Three story rule
The interlocutor is rarely interested in hearing about how many megapixels are on your phone's camera. People are always turned on by real life stories that once happened to you. Try to always have in stock a couple of adventures from personal experience, which are overflowing with emotions and exciting events. After all, it is not for nothing that society loves various dramas and reality shows. When telling your story, try to keep the interlocutor in constant tension so that he eagerly wants to hear how your story will end.
Is charisma important?
How to be an interesting and charismatic interlocutor? The definition of charisma has become somewhat ambiguous. People interpret the meaning of this word in different ways, putting into it those epithets that they themselves come up with. Some boldly claim that charisma is born, while others believe that it can be trained. But here interesting fact: in 1966, a team of British scientists conducted a study, which revealed that at the time of the dialogue, people pay only 7% of their attention to the meaning of the words of the narrator, and the rest of the attention is directed to facial expressions and gestures. From this we can conclude that good mood, smiling, and explanatory gestures can increase your listener's interest.
The Strawberry and Cream Principle: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That's why when I go fishing, I don't think about what I love, but about what the fish loves.
(Dale Carnegie)
If you want someone to be interested in you, talk about what he is interested in (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and well-known to everyone - but how to put it into practice?
And in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interest of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.
Usually 2-3 of these 6 topics are favorites for a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why about this? it doesn't matter!"
To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type separately.
"People"
The cat caught the mouse:
- Do you want to live?
- With whom?
- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!
Favorite question: Who? People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who surrounds him.
Such a person selects a job for himself based on which team he will join, with whom he will have to interact.
Talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he rested, whom he met.
If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?”. He asks because it is the most important thing for him.
"Place"
At the headquarters of the missile forces:
- Today came the order to reduce staff by 10%. Does everyone understand?
- Yes…
- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama ...
Favorite question: Where? It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or favorite place at the table, on which he tries not to let anyone in.
When choosing a job, the most important factor will be the location of the office, and how much he likes his workplace.
Talking about the rest, he will describe the places he visited, through which sights his route ran.
Meticulously will ask about "where the party will take place." At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.
"Time"
A Frenchman is asked:
- What do you like more? Wine or women?
To which he replies:
- It depends on the year of manufacture.
Favorite question: When? For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.
A new job is selected based on criteria such as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the length of his vacation.
He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.
Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? what time will it end? when does the last bus leave?
"Values"
Doctor, will I live?
- What's the point?
Favorite question: Why? It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about your values and beliefs.
Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant for him, with devils in the middle of nowhere, wasting a lot of his time on the road, if at the same time he considers that by working here he benefits people, or some benefit to himself.
He will not talk about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “he improved his health, spent at least a little time with his family, made useful acquaintances.”
Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this benefit me?”, Because the party itself is not of particular value to him.
"Process"
A hefty lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:
- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, through the pipe to the roof ...
At that moment, the pipe below him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.
Cat (angrily):
- Not understood!..
Favorite question: How? It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.
In work, the most important thing for him is that the process itself gives him pleasure.
Talking about the holiday: will describe the sequence of events, day by day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.… The next day we went on an excursion, after that…”
He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? What about after we dance? What about after we have tea?
"Things"
A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:
- So, dear, let's decide where your things are here, and where are mine.
Favorite question: "What?" . Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.
When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room ... It is important that he likes it.
He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during the holidays: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator…”
Be sure to ask "What will happen at the party?". If it is important for a process type person to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea”, then it is important for a person of the “Things” type to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”
Now the question is “What to talk to him about?” the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk with him, trying to get into the sphere of his interests. If it is “people”, then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...
To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “detune” from the interests of a person. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “And when was that?”. The reaction of the person will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (except when you need to quickly end the conversation)
To check yourself how well you are now oriented in this "typology of interests", try to answer the questions of the following tests.
Test #1
Read statements 6 different people about your vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.
Man No. | statement | Interest type |
1 | “... Is this really a vacation. Only 12 days. And then: 36 hours the way there, and the same amount back. The only joy is the sea in 5 minutes…” | |
2 | “... The room had everything you need: shower, TV, fridge, kettle…” | |
3 | “... I met Irina Vasilievna there. The most amazing person! She has 12 children. The youngest - Anyuta is called ... ". | |
4 | “... I rested in the New World, this is the southern coast of Crimea, 10 km west of Sudak. By the way, they lived 200 meters from the sea ... " | |
5 | “... As soon as we arrived at the railway station, we were immediately taken to a sanatorium, we were fed there, after that we were settled in rooms ...” | |
6 | “... I corrected my health, and this is the most important thing. The doctors in the sanatorium were good. So, if you want to heal, then this is the best option ... " |
Test #2:
Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.
Phrase No. | statement | Suitable for people like… |
1 | “... Listen, there will definitely be Lena, Katya, Misha, Sergey. Igor is going to drive up with two of his friends. Good company is going! Only you are missing…” | |
2 | "…Come! We have a great program: first we will have dinner, then we will look at the photos, then we will dance, and at the end we will discuss plans for the future ... " | |
3 | “…You just need to rest. In addition, you can make useful contacts. And in general, friendly relations need to be maintained ... " | |
4 | “... You only have 40 minutes to go to me! And in the evening we will finish early, at 11 o'clock you will already go back. We haven't seen each other for 2 months! When will we meet again?…” | |
5 | “... After all, we are not going anywhere, but at my house! Let's go to the lake, it's nearby. We will put you on your favorite easy chair…” | |
6 | “…You haven’t seen my apartment after the renovation yet: new wallpaper, paintings on the walls, an aquarium in the corner, a music center…” |
Test #3
You came to your boss to ask him for a raise. Different bosses need different arguments. Determine for each phrase, on the bosses, what type it will work best.
Phrase No. | statement | It will work better on bosses with the type of interests ... |
1 | “... All the equipment is on me: computers, faxes, telephones, printers, scanners, consumables. And the amount of all this goodness is increasing and increasing ... " | |
2 | “... I have to wander all over the country, either to Arkhangelsk, then to Yekaterinburg, then to St. Petersburg ... I already know these cities better than my own home ...” | |
3 | “... Now I have to work a lot with VIP clients: with Elena Vladimirovna, with Arkady Petrovich, with Ivan Vasilyevich ... They are complex people, you know yourself ...” | |
4 | “... I arrive at 9 am, I leave at 8 pm ... I often have to work on weekends ... if I have a vacation, then it’s no more than a week ...” | |
5 | “... First I find clients, then I persuade them to buy, then I sign the contract, I fiddle with papers, then I arrange transportation, then I solve warranty issues ... the process is complicated, God forbid, where you make a mistake ... " | |
6 | “… the principle is simple: you pay more, I work more and better… as a result of the results of my work, again, you get more money…” |
Right answers:
Test #1 | Test #2 | Test #3 | |
1 | Time | People | Things |
2 | Things | Process | Place |
3 | People | Values | People |
4 | Place | Time | Time |
5 | Process | Place | Process |
6 | Values | Things | Values |
If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!
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