What can be criticized. How to Criticize Effectively
How to criticize other people? Not so long ago, in the early nineties, the reading public in our country was almost completely fascinated by the books of the American psychologist Dale Carnegie. His interesting and, in fact, useful works seemed then a new word in the problem of interpersonal relationships. And many of these books are relevant to this day, and something, apparently, will be of value as long as humanity exists and at least two of its representatives will communicate with each other.
And, perhaps, the main thing in this communication is the ability to express one's point of view without offending the interlocutor. Communicate your opinion so that it is not only informative, but also useful. Actually, this is the essence of criticism. Not that understanding of criticism that is inherent in many people - aggressive, persistent and unsolicited evaluation of works. A constructive, positive and useful form of feedback about what was said or done.
Dale Carnegie recommended a fairly simple and effective approach to criticism - do not attach importance to negative reviews and be grateful for friendly criticism. At the same time, the psychologist and writer himself perceived any criticism rather coolly, believing that, in fact, people do not have time to think about anyone else other than themselves, and unfriendly responses are the result of general egocentrism.
For a range of historical and psychological reasons, the post-Soviet mentality often suggests to us precisely the crude form of criticism - its pejorative and useless variations, which are intended to glorify themselves, and not to promote the object of criticism. Therefore, it is especially important to know and often repeat the basic principles of worthy and reasonable criticism.
The very profession of criticism, especially in the field of art, seems to many to be something pompously meaningless. How - in order to criticize, a lot of mind is not needed. It is enough just to find the cons, stick them out and belittle the dignity. Even the word "criticism" is perceived and voiced often with negative connotations, as one of the opportunities to offend and hurt pride. They often criticize in a mentoring tone, from the height of their position as a critic, albeit uninvited. Some camouflage harsh statements with sarcasm or the very convenient "in my opinion", "as I think", "if you want to know my opinion". And in the vastness of the Runet, every pipette imagines itself to be Esmarch's mug, everyone and sundry can speak out with arrogance and self-confidence about anything, including in a humiliating form. And what is even worse - in the illiterate.
Meanwhile, professional criticism is a useful and very necessary thing for creators (although not loved by them). Professional critics learn, graduate, and continue to learn throughout their lives because the arts and other areas of criticism are constantly changing and evolving. And not everyone is able to become a professional in this matter. But this is about a specialized area.
But criticism in everyday life, between close people and friends, between colleagues and friends, is a complex science that is not taught anywhere. Some people know its subtleties and dangerous facets, but few people use it positively and properly.
Much of the common criticism, especially in our local realities, is not about who is being discussed, but about who is speaking out. Unsolicited, non-constructive criticism is, by definition, unnecessary. But we hear it everywhere. We hear someone's unfulfilled expectations regarding us, someone's voiced complexes and dissatisfaction, someone's disappointment that we and our opinion are different.
Very often, such a “plow critic” is sure that he is acting from the best of intentions. "It's for your own good!" Who among us hasn't heard this?
Homegrown criticism also happens in a primitive form. Casually thrown “Nonsense!”, “You can’t!”, “Sucks” in relation to our creation or our opinion, can bring down the best undertakings on the rise. Arrogantly filtered through the teeth, "You're just a lazy person who hides behind a lack of inspiration" can clip the wings of even the most insensitive muse. The value of this criticism usually goes into negative values. Yes, if it is your boss's opinion, then it has value. But even if you are the boss, then your assessment should remain within the framework of correctness and be constructive. At least for business reasons. Here we come, in fact, to the question of the value of criticism.
As the same Carnegie advised, before criticizing, praise. Find among the heap of your claims a diamond of praise. First evaluate (albeit with a degree of exaggeration) the advantages in the work or behavior of a person. Here the attitude is similar to contact with children - patiently, without blurting out the first impression, good-naturedly and with understanding. possible consequences. It really works with adults. Even in a critical situation, there is no need to aggravate what is happening with screams and assaults, there is little sense, the risk of deterioration is high. Of course, lisp and snot should not be wiped either. As with children. Speak as equals, regardless of the difference in age, official or social status. Doing without belittling the personality of the criticized, doing without exalting oneself and one's opinion. But not falling into the extremes of familiarity or proving his position as an alpha person in the pack.
This is the secret of good criticism, and more broadly - comfortable communication.
Balance. Avoiding hurting the personality and characteristics of a person, not reproaching his past mistakes and merits, not going into hyperbole and perfectionism, not devaluing the results of his work. And most importantly - no rudeness, tyranny, aggression, instructive and condescending tone. Important: do not meddle with unsolicited criticism, be silent if you do not thoroughly understand the essence of the issue.
Yes, but how can one criticize if the forms of criticism familiar to many turn out to be anything but that? Especially in those cases when the object of discussion is a person close to you, a family member, a friend?
The most effective and simple thing is to put yourself in the place of the person you want to speak about. Or imagine that they are commenting on the result of your work. What would you like to hear? And in what form? Patient and kind or rude and irritable? The answer simply suggests itself.
How not to criticize others
But if you take this topic more thoughtfully, if you want to understand how NOT to criticize, then you can detail several formats of useless criticism. Namely:
Selfish form of criticism
You report your own, and only your, emotions. What did YOU not like, what did YOU not benefit from, what disappointed YOU. To a certain extent, your experiences and your assessment are important to loved ones. But the trick is that if you criticize based solely on your own feelings, then your tirade is of little use. And more likely to cause offense. After all, the person being criticized also has feelings and experiences. And in the case of (let's say) unfair (in his opinion) criticism, you run the risk of spoiling the relationship, and causing serious psychological trauma to a sensitive person, and even more so to a child. At least you did something to express your opinion. But in a selfish, and therefore useless form. Do not criticize based on your own emotions and assessments. Base your evaluation on its potential mutual benefit to the end result.
Disparaging form of criticism
That very passing statement in relation to the works of another person will give nothing but resentment and bewilderment. Maybe with such an arrogant and useless assessment you will please your ego, but at the same time you can spoil the mood of a person who can well spoil your mood just by being offended. Unfortunately, we often do this. Not always out of bad motives, sometimes due to fatigue or absent-mindedness, sometimes really not considering a particular case worthy of more attention. Case in point, again, contact with children - when a child urgently demands to evaluate his craft, and you are busy with work issues and do not pay attention to such “little things”. For a child, your assessment is important, as is the result of his efforts, and your dismissive attitude may offend him. But with adults, everything is exactly the same - they will be offended, the risk is very high. Arrogance, excessive and absurd demands, the depreciation of the individual and work, these are all signs of tyranny, weakness and stupidity. Remind yourself of this before you humiliate someone with base and disparaging criticism.
Rough form
Classical and familiar aggression towards the person, the result of the work and the prospects of the object of criticism. “You were an idiot, and so you will remain”, “Your hands are not from the right place”, “You will not succeed, because ...” and so on. The most stupid and dangerous form of criticism. It has nothing but retaliatory aggression as a result. Insulting and humiliating a person, presenting rudeness under the guise of criticism, you only show your own weakness and inability to achieve a good result. Aggression, in this case, demonstrates that you, in this situation, in the place of another person, could not have achieved more; simply because you could not offer anything sensible in terms of criticism, only completely useless rudeness.
Related to rudeness and rudeness are critical assessments in the form of malicious sarcasm, hyperbolization in the spirit of "today he dances jazz, and tomorrow he will sell his homeland" and so on. Again, you will get nothing but reciprocal irritation. Well, or reciprocal criticism next time in the same spirit: they will throw out a tub of negative emotions on you, you will wrap around and be perplexed.
Hyper-expert form
The very case when a person’s opinion was not asked, but he will still speak out, criticize according to full program. Another subspecies of such criticism is someone who allows himself "with an absolutely unbearable swagger to give some advice on a cosmic scale and cosmic stupidity." Many people have such acquaintances who, without thinking a damn thing about the problem, are always ready to give their "expert" opinion. The aplomb that these “experts” display in such cases provokes, at best, irony in response. And at worst - a bunch of additional problems. An excellent literary example here is the engineer Polesov from Ilf and Petrov's The Twelve Chairs.
Drive such advisers and critics away, and do not allow yourself such hyper-expert, but in fact, useless statements.
So, we found out that criticism itself is certainly important. The creators will become proud without intelligible criticism, they will lie on their laurels and scratch the ceiling with their crown. The child will become capricious, and the adult infant will lose friends and the remnants of common sense. Leaving aside the topic of professional criticism (a skill that is very necessary and not accessible to many), we denote simple rules healthy and useful criticism.
Do not criticize in a way that you would not like to be criticized. Do not criticize in vain, so that you will not be criticized in vain.
Correct criticism
- does not offend, does not humiliate, does not irritate and does not frighten with its fact;
- motivates, helps, inspires and encourages;
- gives hints, clarifies, evaluates successes and allows you to cope with failures.
Returning to the same Carnegie, let us recall his most important message regarding the very form of criticism: "Start with the positive." Find positive points in the object of criticism, emphasize successes. Make it clear to the person that you see not only the shortcomings, but also highly appreciate what turned out well. Most importantly, do not imitate a good-natured attitude, do not squeeze a smile and praise out of yourself if you see no reason for this. It is better to remain silent if circumstances permit. And be patient, benevolent, if criticism in this case is your duty.
Try not to throw out all the accumulated impressions and assessments at once, dose your statements. Under the yoke of a mass of critical reviews, a person can break down, and your criticism, as well as his work, can collapse along with his self-esteem into the abyss of uselessness.
Much of this applies to self-criticism as well. Do not be too demanding and harsh in self-esteem - there is no reason to cultivate complexes.
Put yourself in the place of the person you are going to criticize. What is more important: just to speak out or to get a decent result by joint efforts? Your critique should just be one of the steps on the way to achieving the desired outcome. Hint, friendly advice, friendly help, correct assessment and expressions, these are signs of correct, sound criticism.
Having given a number of tips for the general case, regardless of whether the criticism is fair or not. A few illustrative examples of dialogues in previous material helped to visually illustrate the most common mistakes that we so often make when listening to critical words.
It is equally important to correctly approach such a difficult matter as the ability to build constructive criticism in relation to another person who, for one reason or another, deserves it (in accordance with his behavior or condition).
Motivation
Before starting a conversation, in order to better understand your motives, reasons for criticism, and also decide whether it is worth doing it now, MirSovetov recommends asking yourself the following questions, just try to be as honest with yourself as possible:- Am I jealous of this man?
- Am I going to subconsciously prick him, hurt him?
- Do I want to assert myself in this way at the expense of the humiliation of another?
- How does he treat me, do we have mutual understanding?
- Do I want to maintain a good relationship with him?
- Am I sure that my criticism is fair?
- Is he new to his field?
- Is the person under stress right now?
- In what tone will I voice my claims?
- Have I ever spoken critically of him before? How did he perceive them?
- Am I an unrestrained person to the extent that I can flare up in a conversation and offend the interlocutor?
- Is this criticism really necessary?
- Is there any more alternative ways problem resolution?
Inadequate criticism
Criticism, of course, should not offend human dignity and pride. In this regard, I would like to cite as an example the case of one woman, a good specialist in her field. After working for about a year in a new place, she received such a portion of catching up from her boss for some minor errors that, having taken an unpaid leave, she recovered from shock and emotional stress for a week.And how many similar episodes are there at work? In one magazine, information was printed about how recruitment managers are tested in a large company. There were quite a lot of applicants, and they all lined up to go through a kind of. However, his conditions were very tough, a potential candidate for the position was forced to quickly answer a variety of questions that had nothing to do with work, checking his reaction, non-standard thinking and originality of answers. And if the subject successfully withstood this flurry of questions, he was bombarded with a kind of various insults and critical statements on any occasion. For example, he looked the wrong way, walked to the table in the wrong way, dressed not to his taste, speaks not cleanly enough, turns too pale, blushes, his fingers tremble, girls' makeup is too vulgar, men's shoes are not cleaned, etc. Then provocative questions are asked to provoke anger and rage in the subject, and when this happens, he is solemnly declared that he is not suitable.
According to MirSovetov, a special creation stressful situation and the use of weapons of criticism is unacceptable to the extent that human dignity is humiliated, his inner “I” is hurt, insulted personal qualities. And then, being in the fire of constant remarks, the human psyche, saying plain language, breaks down, hence various kinds of diseases can arise, not only nervous system but also somatic. Therefore, in many companies, unlike the one described above, the interview and further cooperation are treated carefully and cautiously, as they understand the value of each experienced specialist who can bring good profit and increase the status of the company through their activities.
How to criticize
For practical application MirSovetov will give one effective intuitive way of presenting criticism. Following the method below will help you prepare as much as possible for the meeting with the person you would like to criticize and still achieve good results.Before starting a conversation, first, it is useful to think about the place of its conduct. The best option is when you can talk face to face, in a relaxed atmosphere. Some begin to criticize right in the presence of outsiders, who may be watching you with curiosity or greedily catching your every word and the answer of the criticized. Human curiosity is a bit malevolent, the mere thought that it is not me who is being scolded so for some reason is so pleasant. But put yourself in the place of your interlocutor, stand at the sight of the eyes of all those around you - and you will understand the full depth of hostility and humiliation experienced by the criticized person. Therefore, take care of the nerves and pride of your interlocutor, agree to meet in a convenient place for him and for you. For the boss, this will be an invitation to a subordinate to his office, and not tearing him apart at the workplace.
So, we have decided on this, secondly, we need to think over the content of the conversation. MirSovetov advises to mentally break the conversation into separate components: introduction, main text and conclusion.
In the introduction If you have met a person for the first time that day, be sure to say hello to him, let your facial expression be natural and friendly. If you have already seen each other in the morning, and you want to express criticism later, approach him at the right time for you and ask permission to leave with you for a few minutes to talk. Such a respectful attitude, of course, captivates and gives you additional chances for a quick understanding and painless perception of criticism.
Then say a few words about good qualities the interlocutor or about his successful work, which he completed recently, if you can’t remember anything specific, express general impressions of his positive qualities. Ask if he has any questions for you. Such a natural introduction will help set you and your interlocutor on a friendly wave, relieve tension a little, and a positive accent will position him for attentive listening.
The next part of the conversation - main content . Here you can, using transition words, imperceptibly designate problematic issue who is bothering you, and express your comments to the person in a calm manner. We all know from experience how unpleasant it is to listen to criticism towards ourselves, especially if it sounds rude and degrading. Therefore, in order not to provoke a person into a defensive position, try to keep the conversation in an even tone, without getting personal. Overbearing or disparaging notes are unacceptable unless you are the boss, but even if you are in charge, it is much easier to conduct a conversation in a business style than in the style: “I am on top - you are below,” blurting out critical remarks in didactic or command language.
At the end of the conversation find an opportunity to thank the person for listening to you, and be sure to express your belief that he will take your comments into account. However, do not insist on unconditional acceptance of your words - this can ruin the whole thing and the entire previous conversation will be in vain, let him know that he is fully responsible for himself, that you do not doubt his prudence, and you just want to help him. Again focus on his successes, ask how he achieved them, and encourage his efforts.
Nonverbal cues in criticism
MirSovetov considers it necessary to devote a few words to one rather significant detail, which many do not take into account at all. It's about about non-verbal signals, sending them to another person, we unconsciously tell him our true intentions.For example, you say that you are very glad to meet and communicate, while at the same time standing with your arms crossed (“Napoleon’s pose”) or sitting with your fingers intertwined, the look of which indicates your efforts to restrain yourself from unreasonable criticism and not say rude things.
Your sincerity and cordial attitude will be indicated by open palms, general laid-back behavior, depending on the level of closeness of your relationship, open signals can vary widely. If you want to learn more about the signals transmitted to the interlocutor with gestures, a look, start familiarizing yourself with this topic from the material "".
In conclusion, I would like to wish you in all critical statements that you will speak in the future - wisdom, sensitivity to your interlocutor and respect for his personality. Then your words will surely reach the goal, preserving not only your honor, but also the dignity of another person.
Let's talk about criticism today. I want to understand why criticism is the norm in our society. How it so happened that often communication between two people is based on discussing the bad hairstyle of the third. And sometimes criticism reaches a greater scope when, in a large company, we are happy to discuss, for example, politics and how heads of state behave incorrectly.
Condemnation worsens relations between people, destroys the self-esteem of the person who is criticized and the self-esteem of the one who dared to criticize ...
In that case, why do we criticize?
They say that we all come from childhood. And the way we were treated in childhood shapes the model of our behavior already in adulthood. But it so happened that in our society it is not customary to praise, because you spoil. Even on the hands to take under the ban! There are enough stories when a child was left to scream so that he became independent from the cradle. And what, after all, then he will sit on his neck. Growing up, the child often hears: “Don’t go there! Do not touch! Are you an idiot?" The child hears words of teachings, instructions, criticism much more often than words of approval and acceptance. And what is the result? And in the end it turns out that from childhood we get the skill of how to criticize others. When you are criticized, you learn to criticize yourself. I'm not talking about the fact that when a girl sees how her mother criticizes her father, then there is a high probability that when she grows up, she will do exactly the same in her family.
Children learn from the example of their parents. And children need a worthy example, not moralizing.
At school, the system gives us grades, if you got a deuce, then this equates to the fact that you lost the whole game called life. And in the mind of the child, the idea that he is bad is formed. Or good if the teacher gave you a five. This is how we start earning points. And this continues throughout life. And on such a grateful ground, the consciousness, which is given assessments, becomes critical and inflexible, when we ourselves begin to give assessments, judge and judge.
Critics always lose
When we criticize and judge other people, we lie to ourselves about what we are better than that whom we condemned. It is always those who dare to criticize who lose. Criticism is really a big risk. Only few people understand that this is true. So you criticized someone's behavior, and after a while you yourself find yourself in a similar situation and play in the same scenario. We cannot know what is best for the other person, and also why he acts the way he does. He must have had his own reasons. Thinking that we would have acted differently, we end up risking that sooner or later life will show us that it was impossible to act differently.
But most likely, we will refuse to admit that this happened because of our own critical phrase once thrown or a condemning look in the direction of another person.
We do not allow ourselves the luxury of not talking about others. Not only in a negative way, but absolutely. Why should we discuss whether this person is good or bad? Why should we give grades like we were given in school? Why is it difficult for us to communicate, for example, about travel, self-realization, nature, dreams? No, we are discussing what a friend said to a friend, and why she is so bad. Why she dyed her hair black and how it doesn't suit her. Even people who consider themselves elevated and spiritual, for some reason give critical remarks to those who, in their opinion, are not so elevated.
Discussing, condemning someone else's way of life, we lose our own opportunities in life. We are depriving ourselves of our own lives, depriving ourselves of choice.
Why not criticize?
First, it costs us huge losses energy. We waste our energy on criticism, not even understanding why we become so dissatisfied, tired, or just our head starts to hurt. When we criticize, we lose ourselves, when we discuss someone, we tell others about our own shortcomings. Have you tried evaluating it this way?
If I say, for example, that a friend does not dress well, then in this way I am trying to raise myself in my own eyes. But in fact, an evil thought sits in my head that I myself don’t look good, because I myself was condemned in childhood for ugly shoes. It is not necessary to be aware of this at all. I think the point is clear. I have noticed that when I think negatively about someone, I instantly have a low mood. The heart becomes sad and bitter. And to change the mood and enter the usual course after that, it costs me certain forces. And it's not just me, I'm sure of it.
Secondly, by criticizing, we worsen our destiny.
Some sources describe that criticism destroys the good in the life of the one who criticizes.
According to the theory of karma, by criticizing, we take away from a person his negative qualities. And it can also be turned in a different way, that if we are criticized, then our bad fate is taken away. It seems like there is no need to worry that we have been criticized by someone, we will be healthier. But more about that another time.
Thirdly, we lose a good relationship with people. Not only with those we criticize. There is an opinion that we all subconsciously know everything about each other. So if you criticize behind your back, the person feels it, and for sure your relationship will not get better from this. Moreover, relations will worsen with the person with whom you washed the bones of other people over a cup of tea. Although it will not be so clearly seen, but it is a fact.
How to stop criticizing?
So, it is not profitable to criticize. And, if we decide to change our world for the better, then how can we stop criticizing? Where to begin?
I will describe what helps me personally.
- You can start keeping a diary of gratitude to the world, life, the Universe, God, whoever is closer. Everything is simple here - you need to write mini-reports about what you are grateful for. You need to keep a diary every day. At least 10 points daily, and consciousness will begin to rebuild in a positive way. In order for the practice to gain a foothold, it is better to do it 21 days in a row.
- You can also keep notes, in which you will write down the qualities that you admire in your loved ones. Then you can go further and begin to see good features in distant acquaintances, and then just in random people with whom you somehow meet in life. Seeing something beautiful in a stranger on the subway, for example, is a very fun and entertaining practice. The mood improves, and you want to criticize less.
- Try, for example, for some time not to talk about other people in a negative way at all, not to listen to gossip, and avoid being present at such conversations. You will see the effect almost immediately.
- You can give compliments. In other countries, it is customary to compliment a person directly. For example, say to an unfamiliar woman: “What a beautiful dress you have!”. In my opinion, it is a very good practice to say nice things to people, it develops positive thinking and does not allow you to get bogged down in criticism.
- If you nevertheless condemned someone, then come up with a punishment for yourself, send a predetermined amount to the person you condemned. This motivates you to give up this destructive habit, and life will begin to change for the better. Well, if you do not want to give money, although it must be admitted that this is very effective method, then you can put on a bracelet or an elastic band on your hand. The bracelet will remind you that you do not need to criticize.
Having done all this, you will be able to appreciate that you are wasting your energy in vain, which could be used to develop you as a person. And in the end, direct your energies to positive changes in your own life.
There is no room for criticism. Criticism is aimed primarily at making something better. But, often, our criticism is perceived painfully and considered unfair. Maybe we're misrepresenting it? How to convey your idea so as not to offend a person and at the same time achieve a result?
This article is very helpful for managers to maintain a good relationship with their subordinates, as well as for personal growth any of us.
Rules constructive criticism:
1. The main difference between constructive criticism and ordinary criticism is not just an indication of mistakes, but with an eye to how to correct existing mistakes and prevent them in the future. Keep in mind that accusation is not only a legal term, but also part of the criticism. In constructive criticism, they are simply unacceptable. Remember the three whales of competent criticism - positive, constructive and result .
2. Formulate your thoughts using the pronoun "I" instead of "you". "I-messages" is a favorite technique of psychologists (which makes it no less relevant). So, instead of saying, "You failed the project," say, "I think you failed the project." Feel the difference? Hand on heart, this did not make the project any less a failure, but it is much easier for the opponent to accept this, which is very important.
3. Don't generalize, even if you remember your university course. higher mathematics along with the course of logic. You should not express yourself as follows: "You never finish the job." Discuss a specific situation: "This time the project was not completed." At home, this rule also works.
4. Think about the result. What do you want to achieve? If you need a report to be written by tomorrow morning, that's one thing, but if you want a person to systematically make colorful and high-tech presentations, that's another. Start with long-term goals and plans. Often a good relationship is the key to a job well done. But familiarity has nothing to do with it. Before criticizing, ask yourself the following questions (optionally out loud): "Do I want to hurt the person?" "Do I want to get justice or a result?"
5. Do not compare the interlocutor with other people. The phrase "And Petya does better, and Kolya earns more and has already become a big boss" is a guarantee that the person you criticize will earn a bunch of complexes.
How to criticize subordinates?
There have not yet been born such employees who would not need to be criticized. But in order to criticize as little as possible, follow our advice.
1. Praise. As you know, a kind word and a cat is nice. This adage also works in the office. But colleagues are not always as cute as the kittens from your friend feed. Be sure to praise before you criticize. Scientists have proven that for every point of criticism, there should be two points of praise. Example: "Thank you for preparing the press release on time. You did a great job and put together quality material. Yes, this is promotional material, but maybe we can make it more lively?". So, your meticulous speeches have reached their goal, your subordinate or colleague is unsuspecting, relaxed and ready for dialogue. Go straight to the second point.
2. After praise it's important not to say "but", even though it asks for it. This particle crosses out the entire laudatory effect of your phrases. So, if you say "a great project, but the budget for it is required such that we will not pull it." The subordinate in this case will hear only that the project is not suitable. Keep this in mind and replace "but" with "and", "a", "although". "However" is the same as "but", so it does not suit us.
3. Business coaches believe that the best criticism is question. When you have praised, ask if things could have been done differently. "If you had more time for this report, what would you change about it?". "I really like points 1, 10, 18 of your presentation. In your opinion, what is the most successful point? What is the worst?". Call the subordinate for a dialogue, so you will know his opinion. Effective and quite simple!
4. Operate with concrete facts. If you praise, find a couple of real achievements and praise them, rather than admire the project in general. The rule works the other way too. Scold - scold individual things, and not "a terrible project, redo everything, and in general, they recruited fools according to the ad." Less lyrics, more action. If you want to see the result, point out things that need improvement. Your subordinates are not telepaths, hints are not needed in such a case. And do not forget about the ban on the use of the words "always", "never".
5. Don't get personal. Let projects, presentations, reports, layouts be criticized, but the subordinate himself must remain inviolable. Do you really have any complaints about him?
6. Don't go screaming. This is how you show your powerlessness. Goodwill and readiness to correct possible mistakes in work together make you a good leader, and not just a critical leader. Excessive emotionality will negate all your efforts. Watch your tone and intonations. Neutral words spoken in an irritated tone cease to be neutral. Express your comments in the most correct form.
7. Despite the mistakes and omissions that you pointed out, it is useful to emphasize your confidence that next time the work will be done in good faith and your subordinate will cope. " Thanks in advance for Good work", - a phrase that should be written into your vocabulary if you want to receive quality work done accurately and on time. "I consider you a conscientious employee and expect good results from you. You can do it." It is really important - to believe not only in your own strength, but also in the capabilities of your subordinates.
8. Your remarks should not be worn negative character . Compare two phrases: "Why didn't you come to the meeting on time?" and "I wish you weren't late for important events because I can't start talking about serious things." The first phrase makes you immediately go on the defensive and start making excuses. The second explains why it is important to arrive on time, and next time the employee will make every effort not to be late, despite the circumstances. In the second sentence there is a message about your expectations for the future, but isn't that what you were looking for?
9. The habit of publicly scolding an adult (however, like a child), and your subordinate is an adult, will not lead to anything good. Extras in the form of colleagues are good during a business lunch, and in an important process called "criticism" it is better to act face to face. You and the criticized in a private setting(your Personal Area) and without witnesses you will concentrate on the shortcomings and will be able to discuss all the important points without attracting too much attention to yourself.
10. Get into the other person's position."I understand how hard this layout was for you", "I'm sure you put a lot of effort and time to finish it." Do you feel how a piece of "but" wants to break off the tongue? See point 2. Think together how and in what time frame you can correct the errors. Always celebrate, albeit small, but achievements. It is more pleasant and much easier to criticize "dizziness from success" than systematic shortcomings in work.
Believe me, following the advice of this article, you, firstly, will get rid of the negative, and secondly, you will earn even more respect from your subordinates, and, most importantly, your business will go uphill.
Correct criticism does not allow emotionality, especially if it concerns personal issues. You must be as objective as possible, otherwise your words will be perceived as attacks, and the person you are criticizing will quickly become defensive. For example, if you don't like certain actions of a person, criticize him for them. Don't talk to him about his behavior in general.Choose the right time and place
However well-intentioned you may be, remember that criticism should not be made in public. Never criticize a person in public. Choose the right place and time to do it. If you decide to talk to the person, make sure you have enough time to do so. Criticism should not be limited to your personal time, show the person that you are constructive and ready to talk with him.Avoid criticism of personal qualities
Before criticizing a person, consider whether it will be received in the way you expect. For example, your good intentions regarding a person's appearance (extra weight, clothing, hairstyle, etc.) may offend him. Your words that it would be worth changing (to lose weight, cut your hair, etc.) can be perceived negatively and even seem offensive. Try also not to criticize the person's personal qualities. You can only do this if he directly asks you about what you think about his appearance, his words, his behavior, etc.Be specific but talk too much
If you decide to criticize a person for any reason, say what you mean. Your words should refer to specific things, do not speak in vague, general terms. For example, if you are communicating with your subordinates about the quality of their work, say what exactly you do not like and what changes you expect. There is no need to say that a person can work better, that he needs to try, etc. You will remain misunderstood, your criticism will be unconstructive. At the same time, try not to overwhelm the person, especially if you have big complaints about them. Try breaking up the conversation into several meetings, give him time to deal with a small part of your comments.End on a positive note
Any criticism is always taken quite sharply. Therefore, think about the fact that the conversation with a person is not limited only to his criticism. Try to turn the conversation to a neutral topic as soon as you finish with criticism so as not to focus too much attention on it, otherwise in the future the conversation with you will be extremely unpleasant for a person, your criticism will no longer be perceived.Related videos
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Most people are sensitive to criticism. Be it work criticism or personal criticism. In a number of situations, criticism is indispensable, but it is in our power to make it useful. In psychology, helpful criticism is called constructive feedback. Its purpose is to help a person advance in his development. There are a number of simple rules, the observance of which will make your criticism developmental and reduce or eliminate the negative reaction to your words of the person you are criticizing.
RULE 1. USEFUL CRITICISM IS POSITIVE
Criticism must be balanced. Usually there is a temptation to immediately point out to a person his mistakes. But such a beginning will cause tension in your counterpart, and it will be difficult for him to perceive the essence of your remarks.
Always start with what you like in human work. Before pointing out mistakes, emphasize what you see and the pluses in his work. Make two or three positive accents, and only then move on to your comments.
Observe balance between positive and negative. If you have named two or three positive points, then name the same number or one more negative.
RULE 2. USEFUL CRITICISM IS SPECIFIC
Your comments - both positive and negative - should be specific. Avoid phrases like "everything is great!" or "you're doing it all wrong!". With these phrases you do not give a person useful information for its development.
Try to articulate what exactly do you like or dislike in the work or behavior of a person. For example, if you criticize appearance person, say that he successfully picked up the color of the clothes, but he didn’t guess with the length.
RULE 3. USEFUL CRITICISM HELPS DEVELOPMENT
Useful criticism should always concern those manifestations, properties, qualities of a person and his work that he is able to change. You should not point to a too high or low timbre of voice, to a violent temperament or drowsiness of a person in the morning. A person will not be able to change this, and your relationship will be ruined.
When you criticize always offer a solution. Instead of pointing out a flaw, immediately indicate the direction of development. For example, instead of "You don't punctuate your texts at all," say "I'd check the punctuation before I pass." If you don’t have any solutions, invite the person to think together and look for them.
To help a person recognize his mistakes, it is necessary to approach criticism of his work or behavior with positive attitude. You yourself, when criticizing, must keep in mind why you are doing it. Sincerely help the person, tell me ways to correct his mistakes, and he will be grateful to you.
Criticism must be timely. Give feedback to a person when he is ready to perceive it and when it is still relevant for him.
When giving feedback, check that the person is you understood correctly. Ask him to retell how your remarks sound to him. Correct if he misunderstood you.
Useful criticism should be attractive and divided. Make sure the person agrees with you, that they understand how they can correct their mistakes, and that you leave them on a friendly note.
In life, there are rarely people who are able to adequately and calmly perceive criticism from others. Most often they become aggressive, which can lead to conflict. However, criticism stimulates a person to self-development.
Criticism can be found anywhere. Almost every person, having analyzed his behavior, will understand that he reacts to criticism in a sharply negative way. In this regard, the question will arise in him: "How to learn to calmly respond to criticism?"
To begin with, when a person hears criticism addressed to him, he should not rush to respond to it. It is worth considering the words of the interlocutor in order to understand whether criticism is constructive. To do this, you need to look at the situation from the side, as if not criticizing him, but another person.
It happens that criticism is not justified, since the person who utters the words of criticism does not fully see the whole situation and does not know all the details. It is better not to react to such criticism, because it is pointless to be offended by such people.
But sometimes criticism is constructive, such words should be heeded. If a person has considered the words of criticism and realized that the critic is right, he should analyze the situation and try to fix it, and also thank the interlocutor, because he helped the person make his life better.
So, if the critic is right, you should be grateful to him and not be offended by him. And also you should be careful when talking with a person, so as not to offend him in vain, it is better to learn to see the good in people.
Advice 4: Inner critic: where does it come from and what is its danger
The inner critic lives in every person. In some situations, it acts as a defense mechanism and can even help a person not to get into some kind of dangerous situation. However most time the inner speaker only hurts. Where does the inner critic come from, what can its excessive activity lead to?
How is the inner critic formed?
A boring and gloomy inner voice, which very often reminds of mistakes made, scolds even for minimal misconduct, exists in every person. However, in some individuals, over time, he literally begins to dominate the mind, while other people try to curb this inner critic, negotiate with him, or learn to ignore his grumblings.
Where does the inner critic come from? The answer is banal and simple: from childhood. Internal dissatisfaction with oneself, mental grumbling, a tendency to scold oneself, a habit of self-accusation, self-flagellation come after a person from his childhood. It is not typical for a child to behave like this and be stuck in such a state. However, the child is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, on the assessments that parents give him, on talking about him, and so on. It is on the basis of this that the inner critic begins to grow, capable of literally poisoning a person's life.
The process of forming an internal critic is usually started by parents or grandparents. Demonstration of dissatisfaction with the child, punishment, reproaches, insults, heavy sighs and gloomy looks at the child when he did something wrong, constant grumbling, attempts to educate, cause guilt, shame - all this becomes what feeds the inner critic . Caregivers in kindergarten, relatives who constantly compare the child with someone, teachers at school, other adults surrounding the child during the period of growing up also affect the formation of an internal critic.
The Inner Critic does not have a direct and permanent relationship with strong childhood emotions or impressions. However, if the child is experiencing a difficult situation when he is accused, shamed and punished, these experiences will give even more strength to the inner critic. Resentment, fear, anxiety, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness, guilt, inner panic, a feeling of sadness, anger at yourself or those around you - this is far from full list those feelings and emotions that give strength to the inner critic, which influence the formation of this personality trait.
Examples of typical phrases from childhood, which the inner critic then adopts:
- “you ruined everything again”;
- “shame on you, you are a disgrace to me”;
- “you are not ready for the lesson again, you are our main loser and worthless child”;
- “there are other children studying so well, and you, as always”;
- “you still won’t succeed, why are you wasting time on some nonsense”;
- “why did you decide that something will come of your idea, quit this business, you have no talent and abilities”;
- “it’s your own fault that everything turned out this way, you should have obeyed”;
- “You are stupid and don’t understand anything”;
- “so much effort and money has been invested in you, but you, as you were stupid, remained the same”;
- “Again you overslept and you are late, now they will scold you at school, you are just grief and some kind of punishment, not a child.”
The lack of support and approval from significant adults for the child not only affects the level of inner faith of the growing person, self-esteem, but also destroys motivation, cultivating a very strong inner critic.
With the passage of time, phrases from childhood are joined by words heard by a person addressed to him at the institute, at work. Particularly impressionable individuals can unconsciously remember the opinions of strangers who speak on the topic of their work or creativity. Criticism in reality is very difficult to perceive, is fixed in the mind of a particularly impressionable and vulnerable person, which gives an additional reason for the flourishing of the activity of the inner critic.
Typical examples of phrases of such an evil inner voice already in adulthood may look like this:
- “why did I decide that I would succeed, I still won’t be able to achieve anything”;
- “why act and start something, there will again be a complete failure”;
- "I am not worthy";
- “I am completely worthless and useless”;
- “I just look terrible today, you can’t leave the house like this” and so on.
It is noteworthy that often phrases from the inner critic sound with an appeal to “you”. For example, the statement of a malicious voice may look like this: “You thought you had enough strength, but you knew that everything was pointless, that everything was very risky and would turn into another crash for you.”
What is the danger of the inner critic
As a rule, a negatively tuned inner voice in the mind of a person becomes very loud at times of extreme fatigue, emotional exhaustion, illness, during periods of apathy, depression, and so on. Any stressful/unpleasant situation can cause the inner critic to launch into a long and sad monologue.
If a person is completely unable to control a harmful internal speaker, then the activity of a critic can turn into:
- low self-esteem, fear to act;
- unwillingness to leave the comfort zone;
- lack of motivation for something;
- a literal stop in development;
- groundless anxieties, experiences, nightmares, a neurotic state with a fixation on the negative;
- progressive negative thinking;
- lack of desire and strength for work or creativity;
- unwillingness to set goals for yourself or a very long way to achieve a goal, dream;
- ruined talents and abilities;
- repeated repetition of the same mistakes, getting into the same type of unpleasant situations, rejection of the experience gained.
An active inner critic constantly forces a person to live in a state of disharmony, under the constant influence of stress. This is fraught with internal conflicts, the flourishing of complexes and the development of other negative states. Under a stream of constant criticism, the brain begins to function differently, a person ceases to see any prospects, loses faith in himself and in the world around him, begins to live as if on an automatic machine. Therefore, it is so important to learn to negotiate with your inner critic, try not to focus on it, do not take mistakes too seriously.