How to develop communication. Lack of communication skills in children
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The development of communication skills is required by every person on the planet, only if he does not live as a hermit in a cave. Even though many now imagine themselves to be completely independent, everyone has to interact with other people in one way or another. In this article you will find several exercises, games, techniques and books that will come in handy in order to pump yours.
How is the message transmitted?
it important question for those experiencing problems in one of these situations:
- You are misunderstood.
- You misinterpret other people's words.
What to do in these cases? It’s worth starting with an analysis of the process of transmitting and perceiving information: this way you can understand at what stage the problem arises. The message is sent using:
- The occurrence of a reason or to say something.
- Message composition (internal and technical development of what you want to express).
- Message encoding (speech, gestures).
- Transmission of an encoded message as a sequence of signals.
- Noise sources such as natural sounds, can affect the quality of the signal and how the interlocutor perceives your message.
- Signal reception by the recipient (your interlocutor).
- Interlocutor's interpretation of your message.
- Interpretation of your message.
If any step fails, your message will be misinterpreted. The same is true when you are the recipient. And we have not yet taken into account non-verbal signals, which can be: touch, gestures, body language, facial expressions, eye contact, clothing. Speech (besides words) also contains non-verbal elements such as rhythm, intonation, tempo, and more.
The main reason that we are not understood or we do not understand is the presence of barriers in communication.
Five main barriers
In fact, the number of communication barriers is truly enormous, but perhaps it is worth starting with the five main ones. If you overcome them, you will significantly improve your communication skills.
Judge another person
If you judge the interlocutor, then, firstly, you completely cease to understand the essence of what he is talking about (there is simply no time and attention left for this), and, secondly, you begin to label.
Show no interest in the other person's words
Interest and curiosity are largely conscious processes. Dale Carnegie, when he wrote about the need to show a sincere interest in other people, had in mind exactly this: not to pretend, but to be aware in communicating with other people, to get out of the autopilot mode.
In many situations, you have to work on getting interesting.
Use technical or incomprehensible language
Not only does it look snobbish and annoying, it also completely spoils mutual understanding and dialogue. Learn to express your thoughts in simple words. However, if you see that the interlocutor reads your messages completely, you can raise professional level of his speech.
Giving unsolicited advice
They are bad because communication barriers already appear at your interlocutor. He stops thinking about your message and becomes irritated, expressed by the thought “Why is he minding his own business?”.
It doesn't really matter how good your advice was. Learn to give them at the right time and in the right situations.
Show no empathy
Everyone has problems and worries, be it the homeless or the Queen of Great Britain. You must (again, sincerely) show interest in them. Remember that for a person even his miserable problems are much more important than all the floods, wars and fires put together.
Once you've figured out what not to do, let's discuss what to do. Rather, what communication skills worth developing.
Five Essential Communication Skills
In one day you won't. And for a month too. But step by step, mastering individual skills, you can significantly increase your level.
Active listening
To learn, you need to adhere to at least one rule: listen twice as much as speak.
The second rule: learn to "listen" with your whole body. That is, use facial expressions, gestures, eyes. The third rule: clarify what the interlocutor wanted to say.
Non-verbal communication
Who are harmonious, whole people? These are those whose speech does not conflict with the body and non-verbal cues. They say exactly what they feel, so the body responds correctly to the words.
At first it will be difficult, because you will need to pay attention to body language more than the content of the information. But if you solve the problem gradually - first with hands, then with legs, eye contact, facial expressions - then after a while you yourself will become a harmonious person who has mastered communication skills well.
Asking questions
First of all, you should pay attention to the quality of the questions you ask. If they are closed, then you need to completely change the approach and start setting open ones:
- How?
- Why?
- How?
- How often?
Asking questions can seem difficult at first. But once you start showing genuine curiosity about people, this skill will develop on its own.
clarification
This is important when you are listening to the interlocutor. Try to always clarify what exactly he wanted to say. This approach kills two birds with one stone:
- Allows you to fully understand the goals and motives of the interlocutor.
- Shows that you are really listening to him.
mindfulness
Mindfulness is the foundation of any skill because it requires you to break the habit and constantly observe yourself.
For example, with the help of mindfulness, you will stop criticizing and judging the interlocutor, you will be interested in understanding his words, thoughts, feelings, learn to use different approaches instead of just having the conversation as you know how.
Games for the development of communication skills
There are many exercises-games that develop communication skills. Here is some of them.
communication origami
This is a quick and easy exercise that shows how the same instructions are interpreted. different people, and emphasizes the importance of clear communication. The game is rather a demonstration one, with its own morality.
Three people are required to complete the exercise.
- Give everyone an A4 sheet.
- Let the group know that you will begin giving instructions on how to fold the paper to create an origami shape.
- Tell the group that while you are giving them instructions, they must keep their eyes closed and cannot ask questions.
- Start instructing the group to fold and tear their paper a few times, and then ask them to unfold and compare the view.
Emphasize that each piece of paper looks different even though you gave everyone exactly the same instructions. Ask your group if they would do much better if they opened their eyes or asked questions sometimes.
Open your eyes = listen and understand.
Ask questions = clarify.
Effective communication is not easy, because we all interpret information the way we know how and want. Therefore, it is very important to ask questions and listen to the interlocutor.
Guess the emotion
This exercise game is also played in the company, but it is more fun and exciting than the previous one.
The purpose of the game is for its participants to learn to better "read" each other's feelings and emotions. The company is divided into teams and each player in turn shows emotions such as disgust, affection, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, anger, determination, and the general group will try to guess what this emotion is. However, at this stage, the rules can be changed by you - depending on how it will be more interesting for you.
Instruction:
- Divide into two teams.
- Place a deck of emotions on the table, each card with the name of an emotion written on it.
- Ask a participant from group A to take the top card (or several cards) from the table and mime for their group. This must be done for certain time(for example, a minute or two).
- If the emotion is guessed, group A scores 10 points.
- Now group B must do the same.
- Summarize after a few laps.
scene
Game for two. The rules are very simple. We can say that you invent them yourself.
First, think about the topic around which the dialogue will be tied. It could be:
- Support service (difficult client).
- An angry customer approaches a sales assistant.
- An argument between two people about whether to colonize Mars.
Before you start the skit, you must clearly define the conflict. The ending may be random.
Language of the body
Sometimes body language says more than any words you can say. Both consciously and subconsciously, the body shows the interlocutor what is really happening to you.
- Explain to the group that you are going to give them a set of instructions that they should copy as quickly as possible.
- Say the following instructions aloud to the group, and at the same time follow them:
- Touch your nose with your finger.
- Clap your hands.
- Spread your hands.
- touch index fingers to the shoulders.
- Cross your arms.
- Put your hand on your belly but during these words touch the tip of your nose with your finger.
- Pay attention to the number of people who copied what you did, not what you said.
Body language can reinforce verbal communication, but it can also be stronger than verbal communication - it's important to be aware of it to make sure we're projecting the right message.
Books
You can learn more about the topic of communication by reading the following books.
- "Never Eat Alone" by Kate Ferrazzi
- "How to Talk to Anyone" by Mark Rhodes
- "Science of communication. How to read emotions, understand intentions and find mutual language with people" Vanessa Edwards
- "I Can Hear You Through" Mark Goulston
- "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman
- "Communication skills. How to get along with anyone.” Paul McGee
- "How to overcome shyness" by Philip Zimbardo
- "Power of persuasion. The art of influencing people" James Borg
- "Secrets of communication. The Magic of Words by James Borg
We wish you good luck!
Maybe I will surprise you, but communication skills play a big role in our lives. In particular, verbal communication skills can be very useful. What you write, you can edit several times before sending it. But what you say, you will not return. Therefore, if it seems to you that you have problems with this case, please pay attention to what I will write below. Here are 25 tips to improve your communication skills.
1. Learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor
Listening and speaking are, of course, two different things. But in order to speak well, you need to learn to listen. Ask again. When you correctly understand the meaning of what you were told, it will be easier to answer. You can paraphrase or repeat what you have been told. People will be pleased that you are attentive and ready to listen to them, so they will behave the same towards you.
2. Pay attention to the content of what you say and the feeling with which you do it.
Sometimes the expression says more than the words themselves. But the meaning should not be forgotten either. Try to talk more on the topic, then it will be more pleasant to listen to you.
3. Don't get distracted while talking
When you are talking to someone, it is very important to be with him not only physically, but also mentally. Don't think about other things when you're talking to someone. Make sure you maintain eye contact. Nod, agree with what you are told, in general, signal that you are really listening.
4. Watch your voice
Many do not even realize that the voice is very important in communication. But after all, how unpleasant it is to listen to a squeaky, very thin voice, such an interlocutor is annoying. But if your voice has a pleasant tone, it will be more pleasant to listen to you. Try to speak in a low tone for a few minutes a day, so you will make your ordinary voice more beautiful.
5. Watch the volume
Your tone and volume can help reinforce what you are saying. It is necessary to combine tone with feeling. Change the tone and volume depending on the situation and the distance between you and the interlocutor.
6. Carefully Emphasize Your Sentences
When we are talking to someone, it is very important to be careful with accents. The word or phrase you emphasize should be chosen very carefully. For example, in the sentence "Do you believe me?" - if you focus on the pronoun "you", then this will mean that you are more concerned about who believes. If you focus on "me", it is more important for you that they believe you, and not someone else. Avoid .
7. Watch your speed
Try not to speak too fast or, on the contrary, too slowly. If you chatter, a person may simply not catch up with you. This will greatly reduce the quality of communication. If you speak too slowly, your interlocutor can become bored very soon. And you can hardly influence anything through your appeal.
8. Pronounce all words correctly
When you talk about something, you should not mutter or make incoherent sounds. Pronounce all words correctly and as clearly as possible. This gives the impression that you are smart and can be trusted. It also prevents any misunderstandings.
9. Use the right words
The words you use greatly influence the message you are trying to convey. Never use words you don't know the meaning of. Remember that in different ethnic, cultural and age groups, many words have different meanings. Use the right words. And constantly.
10. Try to avoid raised tones
When you raise your tone, it seems that you are blaming your interlocutor for something. It will turn on protection and block, which will greatly damage your communication. Try to move into as much personal communication as possible, while your interlocutor will feel more relaxed. He will definitely listen to your point of view, and communication will be fully established.
11. Pay attention to nonverbal cues
Information can be transmitted not only with the help of sounds and other verbal signals. The hand gestures, the posture the person is sitting in, and the facial expression can tell you just as much. So pay attention to them too.
12. Express your thoughts clearly
When you address someone, try to pronounce your words as clearly as possible. Words, tone, volume and gestures should work together to make you easy to understand.
13. Do not interrupt the interlocutor
If you continually try to insert your comment without giving the interlocutor the opportunity to express his thought to the end, this indicates an elementary disrespect for the communication partner. You can not even hope that the next time you meet, he will want to start a conversation with you. Always listen to the speech to the end, and then give feedback.
anna baseInteraction with other people is a significant part of everyone's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is given with such difficulty that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better, having studied the rules and becoming more confident in yourself, to increase the effectiveness of communication than to spend your life as a hermit.
How not to be afraid to talk to people
A common reason that causes communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying stupid things that “everyone will laugh at,” the fear of a negative reaction from others. As a rule, this reason has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed, to analyze the situation.
Other sources of the problem:
excessive modesty, shyness;
insufficient self-esteem;
complexes associated with appearance;
inability to make contact.
To learn how to communicate with people, you have to work on yourself. To overcome fear, you need to recognize it and fight it.
At first, you will have to force yourself to talk to people, so start with unfamiliar "guinea pigs": ask on the street what time it is, how to get to the library - soon it will become easier to talk to a stranger.
Effective communication: how to become an interesting conversationalist
Difficulties arise already because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? How much do you know and are you able to keep up the conversation? Do you have hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to at least the last question, then everything is not so bad. On the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. This has several advantages:
there will be no fear
it is easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.
In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.
To understand how to learn how to easily and simply communicate with people, at least there must be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss with loved ones the last book you read, the movie you liked - share your emotions and thoughts.
Do not be afraid to say something stupid - you will be surprised, but people do it all the time, serving under the sauce of self-righteousness, therefore they inspire confidence in others.
How to communicate freely: 4 exercises
The first basic rule is good mood. No one likes to communicate with whiners and bores. Therefore, you should not take out negative emotions on others. Create a mood for yourself - start the morning with a smile at the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more of the good.
Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person who has a particular facial expression can feel. Here, training in front of a mirror can also help - depict different feelings and watch how facial expressions change.
This is important, because how the same phrase is uttered depends on how it will be perceived.
Sign up for a speaking class. Even if you do not have to speak in public (although communication, in fact, is such a performance), you will learn how to build phrases and express thoughts correctly.
How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?
Even if you lacked elementary communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.
What should you pay attention to to make it easier to communicate with people?
Development of confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of a successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to inspire confidence in the interlocutor is to make eye contact when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized at a subconscious level. Looking into the eyes has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that too long a glance can be regarded as aggressive behavior, a call, so it is extremely important to control the timbre of the voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the interlocutor by name. For a person there is no sound more pleasant than given name. That's the way we are.
Proper conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not look like an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. The reason for difficulties in communication can be the fear of rejection, which reinforces the already existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Failure is just an excuse to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at least you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the movie with Jim Carrey "Always Say Yes."
How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie book
Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in communication psychology. People faced with communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.
Don't set yourself the goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. It may take much longer, but you will notice small shifts after a few “training” conversations. Treat it like an accomplishment homework to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.
December 18, 2013, 14:04