Ability to talk to people. Ability to communicate with people
Every day a person interacts with other people through communication. People collide with each other at school, work, various events. Communication plays important role in a person's life, helping him to develop, to receive certain information, experience. But what if there is a communication barrier? How to learn to communicate with people?
The reason why a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does it arise?
- Firstly, the inability of a person and his lack of desire to listen to his interlocutor can act as a barrier. He tries to start his speech when the opponent is still speaking. Without the ability to listen, a person will not be able to achieve success in those areas of life where communication with people is the main link for achieving a positive result. After all, when the interlocutor constantly tries to interrupt, inserting some thought of his own, it is very confusing and annoying.
Lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows his complete indifference to the conversation. The reason for this may be that the person is not interested in the topic of the conversation, or he already has an opinion about the problem under discussion, and he is not going to change it.
At the same time, it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. As a result, it turns out that a person is wasting time for this conversation. You can check if the opponent is listening to the speech. To do this, you just need to ask the question: "What do you think about this?". If a person has not heard the last of what was said, then he will not be able to express his opinion.
- Secondly, a barrier can act as an inability to demonstrate that a person is really interested in the issue under discussion. A conversation is much easier when all participants like the topic of conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows interest without actually having it, then communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person makes him silent about his indifference to this topic of conversation.
- Thirdly, a lack of desire to understand the feelings of your interlocutor can be a barrier. It often happens that a person begins communication without paying attention to the mood of the opponent or to what feelings this particular topic evokes in him. And this is a very important point in communication.
- Fourth, talking to people is hindered by the fear of opening up to them. Usually this is fully manifested when people first met. Not every person is ready to open his soul to another, because for this you need to be confident in him and completely trust him. Although some people may, at the first meeting, tell everything about themselves, which is also not desirable. It is necessary to carefully talk about yourself, choosing what is worth telling and what is better to remain silent.
- Fifth, the fact that people often have too different levels of development and education can interfere with the beginning of a conversation. The easiest way to interact with each other is people who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor is tall, then the opponent tries to somehow please him, take an example from him, acquire some kind of skill.
Worst of all, when one person has a lower level of intelligence than another. Then the interest in the conversation will be minimal, there will be no desire to support it. But even this rule has exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor has been engaged in mental activity all day, then he is unlikely to want to talk on serious topics. Then he can easily support any casual conversation, even the most trifling one. Therefore, in this case, the intellectual level of the opponent will not play any role.
Psychology of communication with people
The psychology of communication with people is based on certain rules. The best way to form them was the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He has in his arsenal excellent and well-known books on communication, which were written back in the 1930s and 40s. For now, they remain the same.
- It's important to be genuinely interested in other people. After all, each person believes that he is unique, therefore he wants to be interesting to society. Usually the interlocutor is more willing to enter into a conversation with the opponent who is most interested in him. At the same time, little importance is given to what exactly he says.
- You must always smile. A smile is the tool that helps win over the interlocutor. She demonstrates the pleasure of communication.
- Do not forget about the name of the opponent, because this is the most pleasant word for any person. During the conversation, you need to call the interlocutor. The name expresses personality, which is why many people don't like it when someone misnames it.
- It is very important to listen to the person. With this skill, the opponent shows his attention, interest in the conversation. Unfortunately, not all people know how to listen, trying to quickly wedged into the conversation, expressing their point of view. It is necessary to listen carefully to the interlocutor, ask him questions, show his emotions when appropriate. If you still remember some successful phrase of the opponent, and then express it during the conversation, then he will be doubly pleased and there will be no doubt about whether he was heard.
- The conversation should be built on what interests both participants in the discussion. It is good if a person can define or already knows a topic that will definitely not be indifferent to the interlocutor. This is great to help put the person in front of you.
- You always need to show a person that he matters. At the same time, this must be done extremely sincerely. This is a very difficult moment in the field of communication psychology. An opponent can always feel a false interest in him, a feigned admiration. Even if people prefer flattery, they may still feel some discomfort. Therefore, one should find in a person those sides that actually seem unique and best, and praise him for them.
People who are distinguished by isolation are faced with the inability to step over themselves to utter any phrase in order to keep the conversation going. But this skill is necessary for every person as much as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some recommendations on how to learn to communicate with people.
Well, you can practice on inanimate objects. You can just talk to your furniture, for example, tell your desk how great today was and what interesting events happened.
Experts say that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to communicate with people correctly, express your thoughts, build sentences logically, train your facial expressions and gestures. However, for many people, this idea seems delusional. In any case, you can change the furniture to a pet. For example, a dog will always faithfully listen to all the stories of its owner.
Praise is another exercise. When a person enters into a conversation, he should always try to compliment his interlocutors, highlight them special qualities and skills. Many are embarrassed to express their feelings, but everyone knows that people love to be praised.
At the same time, it is important to take into account the fact that kind words should be sincere, come from the heart. Do not specifically flatter, it can be noticeable.
The best kind of exercise on how to properly communicate with people around you is direct communication with random opponents. It is necessary to set a goal for yourself every day to enter into a conversation with a stranger. For example, when you come to a grocery store, you can talk with the seller about the quality of a particular product.
Or when you need to find a certain address, you can ask random passers-by how to get to it. Also, entering the room, you can greet the concierge friendly, ask about her mood, talk about the weather, and so on. When talking to strangers, it is important to always smile. It brings people together.
Facial expressions and gestures in communication
Learning how to talk to people properly isn't everything. It is necessary to acquire the skill of correct gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes body language says more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor speaks, the surrounding people evaluate not only speech, but also the location, movement of arms, legs, head, eyes.
In order for people to listen to speech, it is necessary to adhere to the following rules:
- It is important to learn how to look at the interlocutor correctly. Sometimes a person has such a look that the other gets a lump in his throat and he is afraid to say anything. Therefore, it is necessary to look at the opponent openly, look away, constantly show your interest in him. Depending on what topic the conversation is about, the view may be different. You should not look "eye to eye", this creates additional tension when communicating. If your interlocutor is trying to look you straight in the eyes, you can look in their direction, but without focusing your eyes on them. Look through the person's face.
- You need to watch your facial expressions and the facial expressions of your interlocutor. A person always expresses any emotions on his face. You can learn to recognize the mood of a partner by facial expressions, as well as express feelings yourself with the help of it.
- You need to be able to determine the mood of a person by gestures. If a person crosses his legs, clutches a folder, hides his hands in his pockets, then it is safe to say that he is trying to fence himself off. Then the conversation is unlikely to turn out to be open and interesting from the first minutes.
The posture should be open, gestures should be smooth and slow, palms should be open. This will indicate that the person is calm and ready to talk. Some people who skillfully use psychological techniques often use the "mirroring" method. It is that after small gap time to repeat the gesture or pose of the partner. This technique allows people to open up better.
Communication with other people is an integral part of human life. Without this, personal development is impossible. To acquire the skill of communication, you must constantly practice it. The more a person talks to people, the faster he will lose all the fettering barriers that were in his way.
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There is an opinion that it is impossible to teach a person to communicate. Like, the ability to talk to people is some kind of genetically inherent ability: either given or not given. But in last years psychologists actively refute this stereotype and boldly declare: communication is exactly the same skill as dancing, singing or cooking. And just like in the development of any skill, there are certain exercises to practice.
We are in site today we have collected for you 8 unusual exercisesthat can make even the most shy introvert talkative. These are not just exercises to improve speech, but a whole range of activities that help you learn to think while talking and build a fascinating dialogue.
1. Retelling
For what: You learn to think and speak at the same time. The connection between thought and speech is strengthened.
How to perform: Open your favorite blog, find any article, choose any 2-3 paragraphs from it. Read them and retell them aloud to yourself. Then - the next few paragraphs, and so on until the end of the article.
Exercise duration: Depends on the length of the article. You need to retell 1 article per day.
2. Continuation of someone else's thought
For what: You learn to look for non-standard solutions, develop flexibility of thinking.
How to perform: Turn on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and develop his thought for 30 seconds.
Exercise duration: 5-10 minutes a day.
3. The mystery of Lewis Carroll
For what: Break your own stereotypes, habits of thinking in a certain way.
How to perform: The riddle that Carroll came up with is: "How is a raven like a table?" The exercise is based on it. It is advisable to do it together, so as not to juggle more “convenient” items for yourself. One calls any word, the other calls any other word, between them you insert the question: “How are they similar?” It turns out something like “How does the closet look like a rabbit?” Sit and look for options.
Exercise duration: You should start with 10 pairs.
4. Lecture to anyone about anything
For what: Fishing out inapplicable information from memory, you train your memory. Make your thinking process more flexible.
How to perform: The exercise is done in pairs. You choose any object from those that surround you and tell the interlocutor about it. How did he appear? Why is it important on a human scale? What is it used for here in this room? With regular practice, you will soon be able to close an hour-long lecture about an eraser, a chair, or a cupboard door.
Exercise duration: Start with 5 minutes.
5. Dialogue with a mirror
For what: You observe yourself from the outside, learn to speak coherently about your thoughts, and establish contact with yourself.
How to perform: The task is to, looking at yourself in the mirror, fish out any thought from the mind and develop it aloud. That is, you approach the mirror, start thinking and talking about what you think. Move smoothly from thought to thought, connecting them with each other. After a while, you will start to get a coherent and sincere story about what is spinning in your head.
Exercise duration: 10 minutes a couple of times a week.
6. Talking with your mouth full
For what: One-time improvement in diction before the "speech".
How to perform: There is different variants. You can put an ordinary spoon on your tongue or a handful of nuts on your cheeks and try to pronounce the words as clearly as possible.
Exercise duration: Enough 7-10 minutes.
Why do some people know how to find without any problems in a matter of minutes mutual language and win the trust of complete strangers, while others are unable to negotiate even with their relatives? The answer to this question is one: these people have different communication skills.
One of the most effective and at the same time simple ways Improving your communication skills can be expressed in just one phrase - be a good listener.
The ability to listen lies in the fact that you do not just close your mouth so that your interlocutor has time to insert a few phrases. You must really carefully and interestedly listen to other people's words. This will not only help you connect, but is also a great way to show respect for the other person.
When people feel this attitude towards themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just remember how great you felt when someone listened intently to you while you enthusiastically talked about an important event for you.
All people want to be heard. By giving them this opportunity, you will immediately make many friends. Just don't pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, respond to key points. Sometimes it is not so easy, especially if your interlocutor does not shine with oratory skills.
In addition to listening, there are a few other tips you can use to improve your communication skills.
1. Never interrupt
This shows a real lack of respect. By interrupting someone, you are clearly signaling: “I don’t care what you say, I have much more important things to say.”
2. Never finish someone else's sentence
Yes, human thought far ahead of the possibilities of speech, and sometimes one wants to help the interlocutor express his thought. By doing this, you will not help, but show your doubts about the mental and oratory abilities of a person and cause only a feeling of annoyance in response. So it's better to bite your tongue at such moments.
3. Paraphrase
If you want to show that you really understand someone, then simply repeat the key point of the interlocutor. Before agreeing to anything or protesting, just fix your understanding of what you heard. Half the misunderstandings in the world are due to people thinking one thing, saying another, and listening to a third.
4. Listen actively
As noted above, your activity as a listener is of particular importance. Show your interest in the story, give a response to the narrator, and the gratitude of the interlocutor will not take long.
5. Maintain eye contact
Do not look away at extraneous things, but focus on the speaker. Looking the other person in the eye will tell them that you are interested in their story. Stop all your activities and try not to be distracted.
Why are some people able to find a common language in a matter of minutes without any problems and win the trust of complete strangers, while others are unable to negotiate even with their relatives? The answer to this question is one: these people have different communication skills.
One of the most powerful and at the same time simple ways to improve your communication skills can be summed up in just one phrase - be a good listener.
The ability to listen lies in the fact that you do not just close your mouth so that your interlocutor has time to insert a few phrases. You must really carefully and interestedly listen to other people's words. This will not only help you connect, but is also a great way to show respect for the other person.
When people feel this attitude towards themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just remember how great you felt when someone listened intently to you while you enthusiastically talked about an important event for you.
All people want to be heard. By giving them this opportunity, you will immediately make many friends. Just don't pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, respond to key points. Sometimes it is not so easy, especially if your interlocutor does not shine with oratory skills.
In addition to listening, there are a few other tips you can use to improve your communication skills.
1. Never interrupt
This shows a real lack of respect. By interrupting someone, you are clearly signaling: “I don’t care what you say, I have much more important things to say.”
2. Never finish someone else's sentence
Yes, human thought is far ahead of the possibilities of speech, and sometimes one wants to help the interlocutor express his thought. By doing this, you will not help, but show your doubts about the mental and oratory abilities of a person and cause only a feeling of annoyance in response. So it's better to bite your tongue at such moments.
3. Paraphrase
If you want to show that you really understand someone, then simply repeat the key point of the interlocutor. Before agreeing to anything or protesting, just fix your understanding of what you heard. Half the misunderstandings in the world are due to people thinking one thing, saying another, and listening to a third.
4. Listen actively
As noted above, your activity as a listener is of particular importance. Show your interest in the story, give a response to the narrator, and the gratitude of the interlocutor will not take long.
5. Maintain eye contact
Do not look away at extraneous things, but focus on the speaker. Looking the other person in the eye will tell them that you are interested in their story. Stop all your activities and try not to be distracted.
Life modern man closely related to interpersonal communication. Men and women cross daily at work, in a store or a sports club. But what to do when you are closed and do not know which side to approach, wanting to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find a common language with other people.
Ways to achieve effective communication
Eye contact
It is easy to win the trust of the interlocutor if you look him in the eyes during the conversation. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you look down and look to the right, the friend may think of a possible catch.
The ideal option is to look at the brow area of the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers, wanting to "suck in" the goods. If at the same time the interlocutor looks at you, it will seem to him that you are looking into the eyes. It turns out a kind of optical illusion, use it.
Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar, they are characterized by a proud posture, a direct look and a high head. You want to communicate with such a person, he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately goes to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!
Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression in the soul of newly-made friends and do not suffer from a lack of attention.
"What's in a name…"
At the first meeting with a person, ask what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song for the ears than the sound own name. Address the listener in this way. If third parties have joined the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she”.
Try to associate the companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny life stories, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate all who are in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!
genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end as a guy or a girl talks about their life without showing interest in your direction. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists, do not consider yourself one of them. Show interest, be interested in life and do not burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.
Let the person join the conversation, and then the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: "Say once, the other two - listen!". Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so that you don't get stuck in a traffic jam for a long silence, which is formed when two selfish persons meet.
Who doesn't risk...
... loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People experience fear, wanting to ask again or ask a question of interest. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the alleged failure of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.
Do not be afraid of rejection, analyze what has been said, ask relevant questions, express an opinion and give advice! Do not let emotions take over self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.
"Mirror" effect
Gesticulation emphasizes the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Do not try to remove your hands when talking, such a sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable, the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.
Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closeness. Stand straight, bend your hands with boats and join your hands. Also, you do not need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in such ways you can win over those around you to your own person.
The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the "mirror" method. The method consists in repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do this like a parrot, the movements should be soft, inconspicuous and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the "mirror" brings people together and helps them open up.
Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and topical films. Stay up to date, nice to communicate with comprehensively developed person who knows how to keep the conversation going. Such personalities win universal recognition and are erected on a pedestal of respect.
Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, draw others into the conversation. Do not hide your knowledge, but do not be too clever, so as not to alienate others.
Relevance of the questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other's company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulations. The interlocutor said that he was going to the country at the weekend? Great, ask him how far it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer memorized “I see”, this statement will mislead anyone.
Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to throw a person with a number of questions, be interested measuredly and “in the subject”. If we are talking about construction, the automotive section will be out of place.
Correct wording of ideas
Did you suddenly have an idea? Do not rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in understandable phrases, do not jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thought. The people around are not psychics, they do not always understand what is at stake, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, "coaxing" comes from being afraid to ask or not wanting to listen.
Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of what is told. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, and the interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate your own thoughts, intriguing and fueling the interest of the public.
Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the narrative. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and spoils friendly relations.
Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again for a cup of coffee. Open people they quickly find friends, but they are also often betrayed. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence - do not share the secret.
Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities of a business person. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and with a bottle of good wine, their tongue is completely unleashed. Guys in this regard are more difficult, they do not share experiences with the first person they meet.
Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and the desire for more, but also complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication was so long that a barrier formed? Let's talk about everything in order.
Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will pave the way for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When communicating on the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.
Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl pesters you with conversations, about whom those other rumors are circulating? Do not succumb to provocations, "hammer" the gossips and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - judge a person based on own convictions, not long tongues chatting behind your back.
adrenaline rush
The interlocutor is talking utter nonsense? Do you start arguing and proving that you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out in the fresh air, catch your breath.
It does not matter what the true motives of behavior are - discord with her husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others by embarrassing yourself. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will later suffer remorse.
It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However communication skill as well as the ability to read and write. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with which you will get off the ground.
imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it sounds, talk to the furniture. Tell the closet how you spent the day and what you ate for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to build sentences coherently and interestingly. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and interact with it.
Sweet praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of the interlocutors, praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Feel free to tell. Did you make excellent coffee in the cafe? Do not skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart so that people believe you.
Chatting with random people
Set a goal to talk to strangers every day. Are you going to the grocery store? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother for directions at the bus stop. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. He will eradicate the fear of starting a conversation first.
Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions, and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all sorts of barriers and fight emotions. Address the interlocutor by name, join the team and become the soul of the company!
Video: how to learn to communicate with people