Family coaching. Resolving Crises in Relationships Marriage Coach
Why do you need a relationship coach?
A modern family is faced with a large number of tasks that need to be solved, and only the well-functioning work of the entire family team allows this to be done successfully without loss either in the quality of the results obtained or in the quality of life and health of family members.Often families who come to psychologists for consultations want to find a quick solution to their problems and return to their daily activities at a more effective level. This request coincides with the tasks of a family relationship coach - to quickly find problem areas and, by turning the situation around from a different angle, open up the necessary additional resources in the family for them. everyday life.
In fact, long-term work with the family, and rather even with spouses separately, is only required in the case of severe trauma to each of them. Those who have suffered serious developmental injuries especially need long-term work.
In other cases, families have the right to count on fast, effective help.
For example, a family who was renovating a new house came to us for a consultation, drowned in their conflicts, tired of the intensity of passions. We begin to find out and it turns out that before the renovation everything was harmonious, that is, the renovation became an addition task that revealed a lack of resource in this family. But since this is a local problem, there is a quick solution. We checked the partners to see if they now have the same goal - everything coincided perfectly, both want to “quickly complete the renovation of the house and move into it.” It’s already easier; all that remains is to give the family the tools and resources that will allow them to solve this problem. The difficulty was that the wife was a little afraid to make decisions on decorating the house alone and therefore often bothered her husband with calls, distracting him from work. And my husband was sincerely perplexed why she was doing this, because he completely trusts her in terms of design. Technical issues in which the husband’s participation was objectively required had already been resolved by that time. So, we found out that the wife needed moral support for her design decisions. Then we asked the spouses to think about what other way could the husband do this after work? They very quickly found an option that suited both of them, agreed that in the evening, when the children had already gone to bed, they sat down with a cup of tea, the wife told all her repair exploits, and the husband praised her!
All the problem was solved. Peace in the family was restored. About a month later, this family sent us a photo of their completely renovated and furnished new home, which they had already moved into! It would take a long time to figure out what exactly is “hooking” in a partner’s behavior, analyzing where this “hook” comes from, and for sure, this process was also useful for partners and family, but it turned out to be even more effective during one consultation to find the sore point and a resource solution that suits and satisfies both.
The second case is very typical. A family contacts them about frequent conflicts, it seems like nothing special, but they themselves are tired of arguing over trifles, but they can’t stop, the emotional tension in the family is growing, feelings are cooling down. Save them, they say, before anything bad happens. We find out that there seem to be no significant changes in the life of the family; they have been arguing since the very beginning of the relationship. Previously, they were even fascinated by this, after conflicts they violently reconciled in bed, but now this no longer goes away. It quickly becomes clear to us that in order to resolve the problem, partners need to be taught emotional self-regulation and competent management of constructive conflicts. Several consultations and refreshed partners, how much strength was freed from senseless and useless conflicts, again the lovers left our office. The only thing that upset them a little was that they did not have this knowledge before, they would have saved so much of their nerves.
The third case is also typical. A married couple arrives, both badly wounded, and begin to explain that the other one needs help, and that everything is fine with him. We say that you each need individual long-term psychotherapy, as you heal your injuries, it will become easier for you and together, if you do nothing, you will continue to get hurt by each other. But everyone stands by their opinion: “I’m fine, it’s her/him who has problems.” In this case, as they say, “medicine is powerless,” no specialist will help until the person himself wants to heal his injuries. Quickly determining what cannot be helped for now... is also very valuable.
In any case, to quickly provide assistance to families, a specialist needs effective diagnostic tools and finding resources within a couple. You can learn this from us in our advanced training course as a family relationship coach.
Kudryavtsev Yuri Nikolaevich- psychologist, family relationship coach. 15 years of experience in medicine, including in intensive care and oncology departments, 5 years of experience in conducting original trainings and seminars for psychologists.
Koroleva Alina Petrovna- psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, family relationship coach. 20 years of experience as a practical psychologist, 15 years of conducting training programs for practicing psychologists.
“How to improve relationships” is a question many people ask themselves. The means for solving a crisis in a couple can be very different, including trainings, seminars, and coaching sessions.
I spent 4 days in Moscow on a specialized course at the International Erikson University, dedicated to family coaching and overcoming crises in relationships. The course was taught by Marilyn Atkinson herself, founder of Erickson University, doctor of psychology, world-famous coach and trainer.
Marilyn Wendy Atkinson is a Canadian business coach and author. Founder and President of Ericson Coaching Int.
At 75, Marilyn is alert, cheerful and clearly instream. Most of Every year she travels and conducts seminars in the 36 countries where Erickson University, founded in Canada in 1980, has offices. For example, after this intense course on the relationships of married couples, she went to Rome to teach a course on coaching for children and parents.
Looking at her, you understand: old age is only in our heads. If you have a mission and purpose in life, old age simply does not exist for you. It’s wonderful to have examples of such purposeful and passionate people before your eyes! I would like to lead a similar lifestyle when I'm 75 years old.
The good news is that I still have 37 years to organize my future in the best possible way. Very good indeed! Against the background of such figures, my 17 years spent in law look very, very modest. No wonder I said that at 37 everything is just beginning! Therefore, the way for many things is already open for everyone - whether you are interested in a profession such as a relationship coach, a programmer or a designer - it doesn’t matter. Anything is possible!
About the course or What interesting things family trainings provide
This four-day course must be taught in every registry office. It provides techniques and tools that allow you to value your partners and come to agreement in the most difficult situations— family trainings are useful for couples of any age. I have no doubt that in the society of the future this will be the case, but now this course is perceived more as knowledge “not for everyone.” And that's why people suffer family life and that's why so many families break up.
We are very lucky that Marilyn decided to conduct this course in Russia. Now she conducts it very rarely, since it requires maximum concentration from her. Every day, Marilyn conducted two live coaching sessions with real married couples in front of an audience of 60 people. The uniqueness of this course lies in the fact that you have the opportunity to watch with bated breath how the Master of Psychology and Coaching with a capital M works.
What problems can be addressed at a seminar about relationships?
What interesting things can you learn by attending a seminar about relationships? Let's figure it out.
Since I cannot disclose the details of the coaching sessions, I will just say that all couples are different, but most modern married couples have similar problems:
(1) work, routine and children consume all resources and leave no time forrelationship in pairs;
(2) people do not have a basic understanding of how their own brain works and how they can manage their emotions and the emotions of other people. One of the families at the family relations training noted: “Simply understanding how our brains and emotions work can save the family and improve relationships!”
(3) people lack communication and negotiation skills with their partner;
(4) and most importantly, couples have no vision of a joint future. No one simply thinks in detail about the future of the family. However, not only couples have no vision, but also individuals. However, our brain simply needs direction and visualization because this is how it tunes, searches, notices and processes information.
Features of the family in the 21st century
Raising children in the 21st century requires enormous patience. IN modern society There are too many family challenges, including mobility and multiculturalism.
It has been proven that people in harmonious relationships live longer. For example, there are statistics showing that men who are loved by their wives live 7 years longer than those whom they do not love. (No statistics were given about wives, apparently because they already live longer than their husbands).
The belief “I am responsible for the happiness of my partner in marriage” is fundamentally wrong! The task of the family is for all the personalities in it to develop. Any process implies (1) development and (2) pleasure. If one thing is missing, then problems arise. The question couples should ask themselves is, “How can our family as a union advance each member of our family?”
Having difficulties in the family isFine. 70% of wishes in family coaching never find agreement, these problemsnot solvableand only in 30% of cases is it possible to find agreement. Thus, all families have difficulties, since people in a marriage become attuned to someone completely different from themselves.
The purpose of marriage is notavoidconflicts, but to negotiate with each other andpassconflicts with dignity and without losses. Successfully overcoming crises makes family relationships stronger.
It is impossible to change someone else - it doesn't work. People don't change for their partner. Although for a new partner people can change, since they are again in a resource and in a state of love. The paradox is that for a new partner they are ready to make the same concession that they did not make for the previous one.
In the coaching space, married couples begin to get to know each other in a new way - this helps to improve relationships in many cases and adds diversity to them. They learn things about each other that they didn’t know during their 10-20 years of marriage.
If you believe that somethingobviouslyfor your partner, then you are mistaken! Nothing is obvious. Everyone has different attitudes, values and beliefs - family unity training can prove this to almost every person.
Marilyn gave an example of how she secretly sulked at her husband for 10 years because he did not make his bed in the morning, and considered him a slob. When 10 years later she decided to talk to him about it, he was very surprised: it turned out that he had never even noticed an unmade bed - it’s just that no one taught him to make his bed as a child, and it was not a value for him! After the conversation, he happily began to make the bed to please his wife.
"Never take anything for granite!" - the great psychologist Milton Erickson (Marilyn Atkinson’s teacher) once joked, throwing a huge block of granite as a wedding gift to his newlywed friends. The newlyweds got scared while catching a block, which turned out to be cardboard. Never take anything in a relationship for granted. “Ordinary” husband, “ordinary” wife. There is nothing ordinary about relationships! Always thank each other - for the prepared food, for the house, for the salary, for the children - and family relationships will be warm.
Left and right hemispheres or What you can learn at the training about family relationships
Analysis of different scientific research allows you to make any training about family relationships more productive and progressive. IN recent years Neuroscience has come a long way. New evidence has just been published in 2018 about the differences between the right and left hemispheres of the brain and how the corpus callosum, which connects the right and left hemispheres, works. These latest scientific data allow, among other things, a more effective approach to resolving conflicts in family relationships.
Marilyn provided amazing data about the work of our psyche. (See for example: “The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World” by Iain McGilchrist)
The right hemisphere is about purpose and integration
The right hemisphere cannot think negative thoughts
The right hemisphere controls the entire brain, allows us to grow and develop
The right hemisphere is courage, these are values
Left hemisphere in more detail
The left hemisphere is need and necessity
The left hemisphere is associated with status, with “small identities”: Do I look good? Am I speaking well? Do people like me?
The left hemisphere is a servant, it is called upon to embody the vision, and not to steer us. Western civilization has put it at the forefront, disconnecting from the rich possibilities of the right hemisphere.
The left hemisphere loves to categorize everything. Once the left hemisphere forms a category, we begin to look only through this category, like through a filter. The left hemisphere creates an identity box for you.
When we look at the world and our lives through the left hemisphere, we only see what we want to see. Thus, what you call yourself is where you become. And yet you don't seeNothinganother, you don’t even notice the exceptions to the rule you have adopted for yourself.
Our brain follows our speech patterns
People are accustomed to speaking in negative and devaluing terms. Especially in Russia.
How are you?
Nothing...
Since childhood, we grow up in negativity - from the age of 2, a child hears the words “no” and “impossible” approximately 200 times a day. This explains why in our society negative thoughts are prevalent among people. Our brain is simply accustomed to this.
Negativity divides our attention. We do not see with a whole vision. We see through the past and through the left hemisphere.
In moments of anger and fear, we stop seeing our partner clearly.
It takes practice to break out of negative left-hemisphere language constructs and scripts - including in family relationships.
“I’m trapped”, “I’m stuck”, “We have problems” - always not outside, but in the head.
Our emotional habits are very strong and constantly pull us back.
We need to constantly return tovision. From details to the whole. From the left hemisphere to the right.
Relationship coaching helps connect the right hemisphere of the brain.
Coaching can be both left-hemisphere (processes, actions) and right-hemisphere (values, vision). Ericksonian coaching is right-brain coaching, it allows you to connect with your inner essence and hear your inner voice.
But keep in mind that when you enter the right hemisphere, you enter into chaos. It’s in the left hemisphere that everything is organized into categories and everything is clear. And in the right hemisphere you can find words with difficulty. It thinks in images. This is why it is so difficult and unusual for us to talk about our vision of the future and our inner self.
The corpus callosum and its connection with training on harmonious relationships
Training “Harmonious Relationships” and similar ones can contain a variety of information. For example, we can analyze the peculiarities of the functioning of the brain and its individual components.
It has been proven that 25% of the function of the corpus callosum between the hemispheres is todivideright and left hemisphere.
This dissociation protects us during times of stress to protect the right hemisphere from the left hemisphere, that is, from negative thoughts, but the same mechanism prevents us from developing.
This is why we have such a hard time connecting to vision, to connecting to dreams, to connecting to values - our corpus callosum literally prevents us from connecting to the right hemisphere.
The corpus callosum is a barrier. When we break through the limitations of the corpus callosum, we find purpose, we follow our heart.
What is mindfulness practice? This is our connection to the right hemisphere.
The prefrontal cortex connects the limbic system (emotional brain) to the neocortex (visual brain).
Meditation is focusing when we take control of the prefrontal cortex. Thus, meditation trains our brainphysically.
Men and women - what features to consider when resolving family conflicts
Falling in love occurs at the upper logical levels, that is, in the right hemisphere, and then, when children appear and routine sucks us in, we switch to the left hemisphere, that is, to skills and tools. And then it seems to married couples that there is no more love between them.
Because the left hemisphere is verbal, it immediately includes criticism and accusations. Genetically, women live more in the left hemisphere and Marilyn noted that, unfortunately, in most cases it is women who criticize men.
Their brains are designed to release stress faster through verbal mechanisms. This is necessary in order to be able to communicate normally with children and raise them. Moms really talk to their kids a lot. Everyone knows that even in childhood, girls are more talkative than boys.
Men are right-hemisphere, their left hemisphere is not so developed, and they don’t need to talk as much. It is important for them to have general idea, vision is important, they must see the whole picture and be constantly on alert - this was the case millions of years ago, when they “silently guarded the entrance to the cave from bears and saber-toothed tigers.” We know that boys speak less than girls, but they are faster and smarter in moments of danger.
What happens during a family fight?
The fuse of a bomb is of different lengths: we all have different thresholds for entering stress. However, physiologically, a man gets into stress much faster and recovers from it much longer - this is how nature intended it, so that a man could protect his family.
Therefore, in a situation where a woman emotionally presses a man: “No, let’s talk! Let's discuss this! Don’t you want to talk about it?!” just a manphysiologicallyturns off. Women's emotions frighten a man. He experiences an emotional attack in his amygdala (the part of the brain's limbic system that deals with emotions) and becomes stressed.
And when we are stressed, we cannot think logically. In times of stress wephysiologicallywe stop perceiving words. At such moments our brain processes facial expressions, gestures, tones of voice, a lot of everything, but it stops processingwords.This is why couples cannot resolve anything with words during a fight.
Since a man strives by all means to avoid stress, he closes himself off emotionally or physically withdraws from the conversation (goes to another room or outside) - it is important for him to disconnect. When a man leaves the conversation, the woman begins to panic and become stressed - it seems to her that she is not heard, not loved, and so on.
Thus, most often, women attack, and men crawl into the shell. Couples just need to learn to talk to each other.
Women are advised not to be emotional and pushy if they want to talk to a man (so as not to “scare off” him or stress his limbic system), and men are advised not to walk away from the conversation, because avoiding the conversation will lead to nothing at all . Women, as a rule, don’t even care that muchsolutionas a result of the conversation, how muchthe conversation itself- It’s just important for her to be heard.
Keep in mind: to neutralize 1 negative word in a conversation, you need 6 positive ones.
A man needs at least a 20-minute break to recover and calm down. Take such pauses in conversations - this will help reduce the intensity of passions. Agree on such breaks with your partner “on the shore”.
And finally, if you are overwhelmed by emotions,breathe. When you take just a few deep belly breaths using your diaphragm, it reconnects you to your mind and calms your emotions. You can think clearly again.
Way out of conflicts - options for family unity
What conflict resolution techniques did Marilyn Atkinson teach?
If there is a problem in a family, family coaching is about going beyond the problem and talking to peoplebeyond the problem. This is about finding the common values of a couple, finding the main thing.
Negotiations are successful when there is an agreement on the main thing. After the main thing, you can talk about the details. When you understand what is truly important to you, it is much easier to find ways to do it.
Our memory is nonlinear: we look at our past from our present. If our condition is good now, good things will be remembered. Therefore, when working with pairs, it is necessary to create a resource state for the pair.
Couples need to reconnect to the right hemisphere and remember the values they had at the beginning of their relationship. This is what the “Shining Moments in Relationships” technique is all about.
Ask yourself, “If our strong relationship turned into an amazing relationship, what values in each of us would help make that happen?”
There is an amazing technique called “Walking in your partner’s shoes,” when you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, using the space of the room, and begin to think like him, understanding his motives better.
It is important to feel that each of us is unique. There is a technique in which partners say to each other: “You are a special and unique person.”
“How can I make you happier today?” - ask each other this question.
Change your own state and attitude and other people will follow you. One person can heal an entire family. If one changes, the other will mirror it. This is exactly how mirror neurons work: we reflect the internal states of other people. Therefore, the main thing is to be in peace and tranquility.
An exercise to find exceptions to the rules. There are always exceptions. “He never listens to me!” Are there any exceptions? “She doesn’t appreciate me at all!” Are there any exceptions?
Sometimes it just helps to sit down and ask your partner, “What are you dreaming about?” This connects the right hemisphere.
What should couples do to save their relationship? John Gottman Research ( https://www.gottman.com/ ), a leading specialist in family relations, show that it is enough:
1). 10 minutes of conversation a day - just listen, don’t judge, don’t advise, but empathize.
2). 1 date per week without children outside the apartment/house.
3). Small rituals - a cup of tea, breakfast/dinner together, meeting/seeing each other off, etc.
4). Sex and touch reconnect us to the right hemisphere.
Technique "Wheel of Agreement"
The “Wheel of Agreement” technique can be effectively used by a relationship coach, at seminars, and trainings. Each side must offer something (change some of its behavior) and only then voice what it asks in return.
Family coaching is very useful for newlyweds - it helps avoid conflict and provides techniques for negotiation and dispute resolution. Marilyn suggests giving 5 sessions as a wedding gift (take note!).
If we visualize 3 times, it becomes our inner reality. The implementation of habits is possible much faster if we connect the capabilities of the neocortex, our visual brain (read also about visualization ).
Find out the values and priorities of your partners. Sometimes it happens that people live 10-20 years and never learn what is really important to their partners and what is unacceptable.
Children do not do what their parents say, but what they do
Business Relationships and Family Coaching
I have more than once encountered the fact that clients with whom I started working as a coach on a business request, after 5-6 sessions came to a request forrelationship- either in the family or in business. Marilyn and her colleagues on the course only confirmed this.
Many family coaching techniques are also applicable to business relationships. After all, if businessmen knew the priorities and values of their business partners from the very beginning, a lot of businesses could be saved from collapse!
What is important for partners? What is important to you? If punctuality is important to them, and a free attitude to time is important to you, then you will inevitably have a conflict. If honesty is important to you, and profit at any cost is important to them, then you will definitely have a conflict. What is important to both of you?
Thus, the search for common values in relationships is not only very important, it is the foundation on which strong and sustainable families and businesses are built.
Are you interested in training, after which family relationships will improve, or do you want to ask questions about coaching? Then contact the blog author using the information from the section.
With Marilyn Atkinson, founder of Erickson International Coaching UniversityAndrey Kuksenko - international speaker, coach, founder of a social center and training agency, author of books on life management and personal development - spoke about what feelings we confuse with love, why husbands and wives become strangers and then divorce, and gave recommendations, .
Without knowing the mechanisms and understanding certain processes, it is very difficult to preserve relationships for many years. In addition, in order for a marriage to be strong, it is necessary to make some efforts. There are four fundamental truths that must be understood in order to save a marriage.
1. We don't realize where our family started. We want to carry the initial model of our family throughout our lives. But this is impossible. The man and woman were raised in different conditions, with different settings. In order to different worlds women and men could coexist, they experience brain intoxication (sometimes called falling in love). “Hormonal” intoxication (falling in love) is needed in order for two different people had the opportunity to build relationships so that they could understand whether they could give up something. But this is not love. It's all about hormones. In women, oxytocin predominates, and in men, testosterone predominates. And during the period of falling in love, according to the laws of nature, the level of testosterone increases in women, and oxytocin in men. That is why he becomes romantic, and the woman is ready to go to football. Subsequently, after a year, two, three, this process gradually stops (otherwise the man will turn into a woman, and the woman will begin to grow a beard). And that’s when the couple realizes that “love is over.” Although the process of brain intoxication simply stopped working. And, relationships need to be built. And they need to be built from the very beginning of creating a family.
2. They often say: “Everyday life destroyed our relationship.” Life cannot destroy anything. Everyday life is a given and that’s all. Spring, summer, autumn, winter - can they ruin your relationship? No. Everyday life is a natural phase of people who live together. And so that after the end of the phase of falling in love your relationship does not end, you need a very important component of love - friendship. Friendship means the presence of common interests, the presence common system values. Both men and women must make a concession here. For example, a man should strive to understand and take part in joint shopping, and a woman should strive to watch football on Sundays. In addition, everyone in a couple should listen to each other and delve into the essence of the issue, interact so that for your partner you are a valuable interlocutor, whose opinion he listens to.
3. Another step that will allow you to preserve love is the conscious experience of everyone (there are only five of them - the honeymoon, one year, 5-7 years, 10-12 and 20-25 years, when children build their families). You must understand what is happening and not panic, but take concrete steps that will allow you to survive the crisis. We are not taught the theory of marriage anywhere. And if somewhere at a university you had some kind of course, then this is several hours a month. If you had been taught aircraft engineering for the same amount of time, would you have been able to build an airplane? So how can we build a family without special knowledge? That is why you need to develop yourself all the time, read books.
4. It is necessary to be integral individuals. In order to develop, a person needs such an element as awareness. This is the ability to respond appropriately. A woman who is a personality will not be led by her emotions. The ability to manage emotions is a big plus from the point of view of men, from the point of view of the family. Personal development is emotional stability, and the development of appropriate abilities, and the ability to have a certain willpower, to have the right motivations, the ability to create motivations, this is the ability to have the right social attitudes, this is the ability to have the right value system.
Love - it seems there is nothing better in this world. All the songs and all the films are only about her... She inspires, pushes us to new achievements, makes our eyes sparkle, and makes us happier and kinder... But what if, due to frequent quarrels, lack of attention, misunderstandings, everything becomes the opposite: the world seems gray , no strength to move on, and no desire to get out of bed in the morning? If you continue to love each other, but cannot establish a relationship yourself, relationship coaching will come to the rescue and show you the right path to achieving the much-desired happiness!
How to find a solution to a relationship problem
Do you love each other, but at the same time have constant disagreements out of nowhere? Are there more quarrels in your life than tenderness? Are you trying to “annoy” your partner and show your superiority over him, instead of doing something nice for him? Well, in this case, there are two options: break up and be mentally ill, or save the relationship by turning to a coach for help.
What to do to find happiness?
Trusting and warm relationships - that is, real ones, in which lies, indifference, irritation, pain and betrayal are completely absent. At the same time, there is a sincere desire to return home after the end of the working day with joy to meet your soulmate, hugging her as tightly as possible. I want to create a warm and cozy nest of my own, to live in complete harmony and peace... All this is so important for each of us. But why are some people able to build “correct” relationships and be happy, while others are not?
In fact, build strong relationships and create happy family each of us can. But, at the same time, it is necessary to use certain tools, and the coach will tell you which ones. This is precisely the task of coaching: by asking the right questions, to get to the true depth of the cause, understand it and find ways to solve it. Your task will remain whether you decide to apply the acquired knowledge in practice or not.
The main law of relationships
Understanding! This is where it all begins: support, help, the ability to have a good time together, fool around, quickly cool down after a quarrel, and more. By understanding your partner (namely, understanding why he did what he did, and not drawing conclusions from his words), you can foster a real, healthy relationship that will bring happiness to everyone in the couple.
Coaching for results is your opportunity to get the relationship you dreamed of.
Working with a coach, you will learn:
- Not only listen to your partner, but hear him;
- You will finally be able to come to an agreement by discussing the problems that exist between you;
- Understand how to properly maintain love in a relationship;
- You will begin to enjoy spending time together again;
- Correct previously committed mistakes that to this day do not allow your relationship to move forward;
- You will find out the main reasons that cause conflicts between you, and also find ways to solve them;
- You will overcome everyday life and routine;
- Learn to be yourself.
In other words, you will again feel the emotions that you felt during the “candy-bouquet” period! You will be inspired by each other and rejoice at meeting as if for the first time, brazenly stepping on everyday life that previously destroyed your relationship.
Benefits of the coaching format
Relationship coaching sessions can be family (i.e., couples) or individual. Meetings take place in my office. All the information I heard remains in it. If you are far away and do not have the opportunity to meet me in person, we can work online - via Skype. Sessions are divided into short-term and long-term.
Short term
Include one lesson, lasting from 30 minutes to 2.5 hours.· Include several sessions, lasting up to one hour.
Long-term
5-10 sessions from 30 minutes to 2.5 hours. In this case, the interval between them can be up to two months. At the end of the session, you will be expected to “ homework", the implementation of which is mandatory. Theoretical knowledge is not enough to achieve the desired results! You will be able to show your true and already changed self after coaching only in practice. Knowledge is not enough, only actions lead to success! They make you more self-confident and purposeful! Note that the duration of the classes depends on the complexity of the problem being solved!
What are the advantages of working as a male coach with a female client?
A coach is a person who has fully studied human psychology. The advantages of working with a male coach are that he fully understands you and, while remaining a representative of the stronger sex, will help solve the problem without the unnecessary emotionality inherent in women (including female coaches) through a “sober” analysis of a particular situation .
How coaching works for women
Since women are impulsive and overly emotional people, they need a special approach. I’m sure more than once your man has told you “stop calling me 100 times a day, if I said that I’m busy with things at work, then that’s how it is”... Girls and women perceive this phrase differently: “I I’m with another lady now, so I can’t talk,” completely unaware that this man is really busy and works to feed his family and have a great time with you, visiting restaurants, buying expensive clothes, going on vacation to other countries .
Important! We are different (strong and fair sex). Men will never ask if you have eaten today (which women often do), however, they will bring a lot of different products from the supermarket. That is, the role of a man, as in ancient times, is that of a breadwinner. His goal is to bring you food, but whether you eat it or not... this is no longer his concern, he won’t even think about it.
A coach will help you understand your partner and tell you why he treats you this way. It will teach you not to blame your boyfriend/fiancé/husband for everything in the world, but to dig deeper into him and understand why he did this. During coaching sessions, you will understand yourself, consider your own mistakes, and find a special approach to your loved one.
Family coaching
The goal of family coaching is to eliminate disharmony in relationships. You should start by finding out the views on this world, the attitudes of the wife and husband towards relationships, and the beliefs of each partner. If there is no progress and movement for the better in the relationship, there is confrontation, stress, alienation, misunderstanding - it’s time to see a coach! Relationships should be healthy! And if you, despite all the problems in your life together, are still together, it means you believe in a happy future and hope for changes. Then coaching will help you build high-quality relationships in which there will be: love, passion, friendship, mutual understanding and more.
Is family relationship coaching possible for only one of the partners?
Of course it is possible! If during the sessions you focus on personal evolution, then the result will be truly stunning! If you use coaching with the goal of influencing your spouse (purely with good intentions), the result may be unstable and unpredictable.
Bottom line: through self-improvement you can achieve the desired results, gain patience, learn to understand other people and easily perceive their actions.
What does relationship coaching benefit a couple?
You will learn:
- Understand yourself and your feelings;
- Look at your partner from the other side;
- Seeing things that are hard to see in everyday life;
- Inspire your soulmate to new achievements;
- Fall in love with your husband/wife again and again;
- Become “we” rather than “I”;
- Feel and understand;
- Once again, feel that feeling as if only you two exist in the world;
- Talk and negotiate.
Relationship coaching is a great opportunity to change your life. Finally feel happy together. It allows you to understand each other and no longer “compete” who is better, but on the contrary – try to please your partner!
Today, coaching is a powerful and effective tool for improving the quality of life, the ability to set and achieve goals, revealing a vision of the future, understanding one’s own desires, personal growth, the ability to build harmonious relationships with a partner and in the family.
Relationship coaching is becoming increasingly popular these days.. And this is not just a fashionable trend, it is a truly powerful and effective tool that allows a married couple to short time achieve the required results.
Family relationships are one of the most important areas in a person's life.
The ability to build partnerships, be in union, maintain love and respect for each other for many years is an important component of all married couples. It is not always easy to create exactly the relationship you would like. In addition, people themselves sometimes do not know what exactly they want in a relationship.
Quite often, people go through a difficult path in search of happiness, in search of that very “half” who would understand them, and they could be truly happy. Often this is a blind path, with mistakes and suffering.
Today's pace of life, constantly emerging new technologies, and social instability in society create background tension. And I really want to come home and just relax and unwind. But if tension awaits you at home, it can lead to a breakdown nervous system, to psychosomatic disorders, to deterioration of social adaptation in general. It is important that you have a calm and harmonious environment at home, where you can relax and recuperate. And if you feel tense at home, analyze what exactly is causing the tension. And if the issue is in your relationship, think about it: maybe it’s worth contacting a specialist in time to help you resolve “difficult” issues. “Difficult” questions will naturally arise in the course of life; it is important to be able to resolve them painlessly.
Everyone wants a strong and happy family.
But how to create this strong and happy family, how to preserve all those happy moments that happen at the very beginning, when we see everything in “rosy color”, when we are in love, when we don’t notice a lot, we forgive a lot, thinking that over time “ this" will pass. And often we don’t see the most important thing - that which later becomes a stumbling block and conflicts, resentments, and misunderstandings arise.
When we build a relationship with a partner, we usually rely on own beliefs and certain rules. Based on these beliefs and rules, we build our actions. And if your partner agrees with these rules, everything is just great. But quite often it happens that you and your partner have completely different beliefs and rules. Much depends on the life values on which each of you relies. Naturally, your partner may have completely different life values, a completely different view of the world. And then it is important to understand how much you can accept your partner with his rules, beliefs, values, or not accept him at all. How flexible can you be? How will you negotiate? How much do you know how to listen and hear each other? And can you even accept another person’s model of the world? How can you learn not to get stuck on the past, think about the present and build a new positive future?
Coaching for married couples will help achieve success in one of the most important projects in life, help create or restore harmonious relationships in the family, based on cooperation, mutual understanding and love.
How is relationship coaching different from couples therapy?
Unlike psychotherapy, in which a lot of attention is paid to past mistakes, the reasons for these mistakes, their depth are considered..., in relationship coaching the focus is on the positive, “shining” moments in the life of a couple, on the present, and the vision of the future. With the help of open-ended, deep questions and other coaching techniques that the coach uses in working with the couple, the spouses have a vision of concrete steps to create this new happy future.
How exactly is relationship coaching done?
The work is carried out with a couple, but individual coaching meetings with each partner are also possible. The process uses open-ended in-depth questions and other coaching tools. The atmosphere is relaxed and pleasant, as the work is carried out in a positive format. There are homework tasks that are advisable to complete, which will help speed up the solution to the problem. Typically 5-10 meetings are held to resolve one of the requests. If there are several hot spots, it will take more time. The frequency of meetings is 1 time per week. Classes are conducted on a subscription basis (subscription for 5 or 10 meetings). The result of the work is a clear understanding of the problem, ways to resolve it, improved mutual understanding in the couple, the ability to conduct a constructive dialogue and negotiate, and harmonious relationships.
The work is carried out by a coach with a special Family Coaching certificate.
What relationship coaching can do for a married couple:
- Learn to feel and understand each other.
- Learn to negotiate.
- See your partner from different sides.
- Understand and accept everyone’s life values.
- An opportunity to hear each other.
- Give your partner the right and opportunity to be who he is.
- Interact non-judgmentally.
- Be able to see something valuable in your partner that is worth relying on.
- Become "WE".
- Find sexual harmony.
- Feel and breathe in the love that once united this couple.
- Reveal your vision of the family, its values, the values of each of the partners in the family.
- Find integrity, spontaneity and inner freedom.
- Overcome all difficulties and obstacles and actively move forward.
And then the opportunity arises to be truly close and loved.