All the time to think about the bad. How to get rid of unnecessary thoughts and feelings
12 tips for dealing with stress and diseases that stress then causes. These are the ones that help us and do not require money for it. And the rest is expensive and from charlatans ...
It happens that we are looking for complex recipes to improve the quality of life. We think: “I’ll go to yoga, so I’ll immediately become calmer.” And of course, we do not go to yoga. And we have a sincere excuse - why do we feel so bad. There is no good yoga in the area! Sadly...
Nevertheless, there are primitive emergency self-help remedies that have been used for centuries for stress, irritation, frustration, in a situation where someone or something is eating away at your brain.
They were used for recommendations by general practitioners (and not only) of the old school. Of those who took the patient by the hand, and that already felt better from this. Self-help tips were taught by physiotherapists, masseurs and sports instructors. Advice now costs more and is more difficult to formulate. Self-help is suppressed, this is not a market approach.
And we will return to the good old days, when self-help was welcomed.
Method 1 Take a break
This way to relieve emotional stress is suitable in cases where you are trapped, cornered and cannot escape anywhere. For example, sit at a planning meeting and listen to your boss, boiling internally. You can't escape, but... At the same time, being distracted by the contemplation of something extraneous, neutral and infatuation with this extraneous is the best way not to wind yourself up over trifles.
For example: "What, however, Masha's manicure ... I wonder how she did it?"
It only works if you yourself understand the benefits of such a strategy - do not look at the nasty things, do not listen to the nasty things. If you like to boil and get into disputes, this is your right.
Method 2 Get out of the annoying situation (it is also an emotional zone)
Did something make you sad at someone else's birthday party? On a picnic? You can’t stand some group, public, page on a social network? Do you dream of removing an unpleasant person from your friends list?
So, quickly left the group forever. They banned a provocateur-debater, a troll, a boor, a fool. Deleted your profile, if that.
They quickly called a taxi (don’t sting, don’t sting), smacked the hostess and rush home - away from the party, away from the barbecue, away from the annoying, emotional zone.
Method 3 Drink some water
Now this is the crown recipe of all brilliant general practitioners who do not sell dietary supplements from pharmaceutical corporations.
A glass of water, drunk slowly, stops all seizures known to science. The first thing that is offered to a person who has been twisted by something terrible is a glass of water. Drinking water starts the mechanism of self-rehabilitation of the body. Most often, people become ill for two reasons:
- hysteria (sympatho-adrenal crisis in a different way),
- dehydration not noticed in time.
Since we don’t listen to our body and don’t teach life safety, we drink tea, coffee and soda all day long - we all have dehydration, and you have it too. Go drink a glass of water right now and then read on.
Method 4 Get Involved in an Exciting, Interesting Thing
This method is suitable in a situation where you cannot “let go”. You need to break the jam on chewing “And they, And I, And yes, all of them” with something flying, even stupid and tasteless. Reading detective. Computer game. Hunting and gathering. Surveillance and tracking. An attempt to reveal someone's secret. Even peeping and eavesdropping, damn it.
You must be involved in intrigue, in a detective story, in the rapid development of events, in a hunt, in a game, in courage, in flight.
Your ears should rise and your tail should twitch.
You yourself know what can captivate and amuse you. Everyone has their own, individual. Just don't play this game. Do no harm to anyone.
Method 5 Physical Discharge
Everyone is familiar with this method by hearsay, but, as usual, no one cares. And I remind you once again that the rapid physical discharge, which includes:
- walking,
- swim,
- general cleaning of the apartment (you can - someone else's),
- sex,
- trash destruction,
- work in the garden
- dance,
- floor washing and hand washing
relaxes knotted muscles and relieves stress, frustration fantastically effectively. General hand washing even helps to cope with grief - again, the advice of the old doctor, which I share with you.
Method 6 Make contact with water
Washing dishes is a free hypno-psycho-therapy session. The noise of clean running running water relieves our fatigue and takes away with it all the "dirt", not only household.
In addition to washing dishes, there is a well-known classic: take a bath, take a shower, go to the bathhouse, go early in the morning or in the evening - swim in the sea, in the river, in the lake, in the spring. Refresh, in short.
Method 7 Positive reframing of a stressful event
So much has been written about positive reframing (including by me) that I don’t want to repeat myself. I'll just give an example:
“It’s good that it happened that I won’t go anywhere this summer! Finally, I look like English courses, fitness and even self-development courses! When else would I allow myself such a "useless" luxury? Yes, and in the summer there is a dead season everywhere and there are only discounts around. So I'll save even more!"
Method 8 Could be worse, others even harder
You are not satisfied with the outcome of the event? Imagine what could have been a worse outcome. Imagine how bad some people around you are. If you master this art and stop turning your nose up at this strategy, then you will not need any psychotherapy at all.
Method 9 Laughter kills everything terrible and terribly important
Ridiculing, lowering, vulgarizing something inflated and important is an old recipe for human culture, dating back to the Neolithic. Thanks to grandfather Bakhtin for his term "carnival-laughter culture". Read, ask.
Or watch one episode about the adventures of SpongeBob SquarePants. When he was terrified of speaking at a school seminar, a smart squirrel gave him super glasses. Wearing these glasses, SpongeBob saw all the students and the teacher... in their shorts. That was funny! True, from laughter, he did not read out his report. And what were the teacher's panties .. Mmm ...
Method 10 Count to 10
Just read to ten. Slowly. Controlling your inhalations and exhalations. To myself, not out loud. This is the recommendation of doctors and sports coaches.
Method 11 Cry
Crying relieves stress. With the tear fluid, the body leaves those toxic substances that are formed under the influence of stress hormones. You can’t cry about your own - come up with a pitiful topic and specifically cry over it.
Method 12 Verbalization of everything that is on the soul
Pronunciation or verbalization - wrapping a vague "something" in clear words. However, great thing. And even better - write it all down on paper, write a long letter.
Just don't send it anywhere!
Here are 12 tips for dealing with stress and the diseases that stress causes.
These 12 are those who help us and do not require money for it. And the rest is expensive and from charlatans.
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It is impossible to go through life without experiencing negative emotions. But you can learn to regulate them so that these experiences cause minimal harm to your psyche.
One of the most famous scientists in the field of emotion regulation is James Gross, professor of psychology at Stanford University. He came up with a model in which he evaluated different strategies for dealing with negative emotions. What strategy to choose in each specific situation? And what impact will this have on your life?
Avoiding Negativity
What is the problem with this approach?
The fact is that in this case you will have to constantly make a choice between your short-term and long-term goals.
Let's say you don't go on a date because you're shy and don't want to feel the pain of disappointment - but you'll never find a worthy partner that way! Or, for example, you are afraid to fly on an airplane, and because of this you miss the opportunity to travel or slow down your career by refusing to travel.
Sometimes giving up on a traumatic situation is a good choice. But you should always understand what long-term consequences this avoidance of negativity will lead to. Such tactics, if abused, can lead to the formation of phobias and social isolation.
What to do if constantly avoiding unpleasant emotions is not an option?
Frame from the cartoon "38 Parrots"
Take control
Let's say you know that you cannot avoid getting into a situation in which you are likely to have negative emotions. To reduce their intensity, you need to try to change the situation - namely, to take it (if possible) under control.
If you're afraid of public speaking, multiple rehearsals, a detailed presentation, cue cards, and a friendly person in the audience will help you calm down. An unpleasant conversation can be made less stressful by venting your emotions or by directing the conversation in the direction you want.
Sometimes this approach can only reinforce the negative. After all, people who constantly express their negative emotions are not very liked by others. As a result, they not only spoil everyone's mood, but may also find themselves in social isolation.
In other cases it makes sense suppress negative feelings, that is, to digest them within oneself, without expressing them outside in any way.
You have probably heard more than once that it is harmful to keep negativity in yourself - how can scientists advise this? The thing is that you can suppress emotions in different ways.
One option is when you just hide, for example, resentment or fear, "keep your face". In this case, you continue to worry inside, which affects the state of the body: the cardiovascular system is overly excited, pressure rises. If you constantly hide your negative feelings like this, you can earn a psychosomatic disease - for example, hypertension. Moreover, people who bury their negative emotions deep inside themselves receive less social support and are less liked by others.
Another, healthier way to process negativity is to reassess your feelings. This tactic allows you to abstract from your unpleasant experiences, reviewing the situation from other points of view.
“It wasn't all that bad”, “I did my best”, “I'm not guilty of anything” are examples of overestimation that allow you to get rid of negative emotions.
Unlike situations where a person simply hides their feelings, when they are overestimated, they are really suppressed and disappear. And this does not lead to unpleasant consequences - and the pressure is kept normal, and friends remain nearby.
In this article, I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to keep calm and composure in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous at all, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.
The article will be built in the form of consecutive lessons and it is better to read them in order.
When do we get nervous?
Nervousness and jitters is that feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and you just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has, as psychological so physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a sense of insecurity in oneself and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.
We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life, not so often looms before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people All this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, it has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with understanding the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. A necessary defense mechanism or a hindrance?
Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in our thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to get together, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to occupy our hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help you deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or talking on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is - of course not, and moreover, it can screw up the whole result.
Therefore, it is essential to be clear that a tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply some kind of mental mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why remove it? Because when you're nervous:
- Your thinking ability is reduced and you find it harder to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires the utmost mental resources
- You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date
- Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
- If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of the diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life
- You are prone to bad habits: alcohol, as you need to relieve stress with something
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:
- Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself
- In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened, mostly we worry about trifles
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.
You have to set yourself up like this:
I have nothing to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it's real!
Don't think that I'm just arguing about something I have no idea myself. All my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24 I experienced great. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, worried about every little thing, even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.
Of course, it’s impossible to say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right track and there are dynamics and progress, I know what to do.
In general, everything I am talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have begun to remake myself, all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.
By the way subscribe to my instagram at the link below. Regular useful posts about self-development, meditation, psychology and getting rid of anxiety and panic attacks.
Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?
Think about all those events that plunge you into nervousness: your boss calls, you pass an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of a fight on public transport or on the road in a lifetime, and is it terrible to be late for work and be nervous about it?
Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, turn into real trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.
This mindset helps a lot. stop worrying about everything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event during and after it.
Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a responsible event.
Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our ingenuity, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for your dream job, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.
And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, anyway, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry arises. This is too much of a responsibility to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be focused and focused and will do my best for this!
Now we bring thoughts to calmness, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.
The simplest breathing exercises.
It should be done like this:
- inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
- hold your breath 2 counts/beats
- exhale for 4 counts/beats
- hold breath for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all over again
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.
If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
Only you need to breathe with the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During times of stress, we breathe rapidly from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into calmness.
During the exercise, we keep our attention only on the breath! There must be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular practice, breathing practice helps not only to relax you here and now, but also in general. puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend.
You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing at the end of this article. In the video, I talk about how to deal with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.
Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.
Okay, so we are ready. But the time has come for the event itself. Next, I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.
Lesson 4
Show calm: even if neither the emotional mood nor the breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your current state. The expression of outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the more relaxed you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.
Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Are your eyes not running? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and take you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness are achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Do you tie the big toe and little toe of your left foot into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in a chair, we do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.
Take your time: haste, fuss always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush even if you are late for a meeting. Since any haste very quickly knocks down composure and a calm attitude. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, better save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, riding in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.
That's actually all. All these principles complement each other and can be summed up in the call " look after yourself". The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with an answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You don't have to try to impress in every possible way, you will impress if you do it right and don't worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and move on.
Lesson 5. Calming down after a meeting.
Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. Better take it off and think about something else. All the same principles that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting work here. Try not to think a lot about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, and if I spoke like this and not like that, oh, how stupid I looked there, oh, I'm a fool, but if ...! Just get rid of all thoughts from your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it for this lesson.
Lesson 6. You should not create reasons for nervousness at all.
This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the discrepancy between your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, then why should you worry about the result?
When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. As a result, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retakes. As a result, during the session, I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.
During the sessions, an unrealistic amount of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that’s how much everything had piled up, how hard it was, eh ... Although it was my own fault if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was lazy and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and that I would be taken into the army if I I won’t hand over something, as I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I'm talking about the fact that you need to try yourself Do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay until the last moment! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, and preferably a few! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7
In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result, you will understand how to stop being nervous. These methods are focused on the long term, they will make you less stressed in general, and not just prepare you for a responsible event.
- Firstly, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. It is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I wrote a lot about this, so I won't dwell on it.
- Secondly, go in for sports () and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy mind in a healthy body: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
- Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer. Diaphragmatic breathing during a panic attack
Hello dear readers! The expectation of something bad and inevitable worries and destroys our psyche much longer and stronger than this incident itself. We can wait for years for a betrayal from a loved one or a dismissal, and when this finally happens, we do not exhale, but begin to worry even more. This process only takes a maximum of a month. Then life continues to go on as usual.
To the question of how not to think about the bad, psychology gives many answers and recommendations. It is about them that we will talk today. I will suggest you some useful books, give you some recommendations, and in the end, I hope you will learn how to relax psychologically.
Shall we start?
Think for a minute
Find a new hobby
Most human problems come from too much routine. In fact, you may not be so afraid of the “bad” that you constantly think about. With your thoughts, you move away from more pressing problems, the solution of which is not yet able to be found. A person needs to think, but, unfortunately, you simply have nothing to think about. There is a second option - you are afraid to think about something else.
Before entering, the girl goes headlong into a new relationship, constantly trying to catch the guy cheating. In fact, she is simply afraid to worry about the upcoming exams, she has a very big fear of not going further and “falling out of life” for a year, and therefore she is fond of the problem that does not bring her psyche much harm.
If you force yourself to get carried away with something, then it will be much more useful. For example, try a healthy diet, learn as much as possible about diets, sports. Finding one you like is quite difficult, but the faster you do it, or at least start doing it, the sooner your thoughts will switch.
Read
Books, like nothing else, take us away from the everyday world with their problems. I can offer you a book by Rafael Santandreu " 20 ways to get out of the captivity of toxic thoughts».
Although, frankly, it seems to me that in this situation it is not necessary to dig into your brains, try to break out of captivity or reshape your brain. Exercises, understanding, theoretical teachings - a rather difficult way of "cure". This word in itself sets up some obstacles.
You are not sick. It’s just that there are few pleasant moments in your life, you don’t know how to respond to them correctly. Start by reading positive fiction. We are what surrounds us, so add satisfaction to your life.
Take Joan Harris" Blackberry wine», « The cure for melancholy"Rhea Bradbury," Manyunya» Narine Abgaryan, Terry Pratchett « People, or once we were dolphins».
Thanks to books, it will be easier for you to control the flow of information that falls on you and burdens you with negative emotions.
Walk more
Get yourself a dog or offer your friends free dog walking services. Go to the park, go to the forest, breathe fresh air. Whatever you say, it helps a lot to get distracted. It would seem that when we walk, thoughts do not stop swarming in our head.
Nevertheless, the sun or just a pleasant new environment sets you up in a positive way. You will not be able to think about the bad, your thoughts will only be about the good. Don't like the idea of looking after someone's animal? Just take a good book and find the best place to read in nature.
OK it's all over Now. I wish you all the very best. See you again. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.