Don't be upset if. How to learn not to get upset and find peace of mind - advice from psychologists and more
The world full of stimuli to which we cannot but react. Modern man, with all the blessings of civilization with which he surrounded himself, a creature, nervously extremely exhausted and defenseless. The frantic pace of life, a sea of information that our brain must digest without interruption, cataclysms in nature and society, economic instability and uncertainty about the future, disgusting ecology - these and many other factors led to the fact that the first quarter of the 21st century was marked by a real surge in around the world of neuropsychiatric diseases. Especially often people began to suffer bouts of depression. And what is interesting: the disease primarily covers countries with high level life.
Defense reaction effect
What does it mean not to be upset? In fact, do not react at all to those things and phenomena that cause negative emotions in us. But many of the protective functions of our body have long been lost, and we are sometimes pissed off by such trifles that a person who lived 200 years ago simply would not have paid attention to. Another option not to get upset is to be a real don't care. How realistic is this? Hard to say. If some individuals possess such talents, most likely, they are clearly of a marginal kind. And, finally, another way that allows you not to get upset is work on yourself, on your own self-government, control of your nerves. And in this science, simple and complex at the same time, each of us can succeed very well.
To get started, just think about how you need to behave so as not to get upset. Review your life and try to adjust your own actions in such a way as to protect yourself from trouble as much as possible. For example, you have noticed that in the presence of some people you feel discomfort, unpleasant emotions, a breakdown. So, try to cross them out of your environment or reduce the total pastime to a complete minimum. Very soon you will notice that you do not need to be upset in 7-8 cases out of 10. Position yourself in such a way that those who want to be with you take care of your spiritual comfort.
You should not avoid impending problems, take the pose of an ostrich or a wise minnow. Learn to behave differently: do not panic or hysterical, but act according to the situation - in a balanced and calm manner. But be sure, no matter what force majeure comes, give yourself a mindset: “Don’t be upset, everything will be fine!” This part of self-hypnosis is extremely important. You seem to be programming yourself in advance for a favorable outcome of the incident, which will really lead to victory or significantly mitigate a possible defeat.
In order not to get upset over trifles, one should look at the world philosophically. Remember Carlson with his saying: "It's all nonsense, a matter of life!" Namely, if your child brought another deuce, and the boss looked askance, they got nasty in the trolley bus, the world did not turn over and did not collapse. In such cases, do exactly the opposite: caress a child - even a hooligan and indecent one, it is yours, beloved and dear! Smile broadly and radiantly at the boss. Maybe he quarreled with his wife in the morning, and he should be pitied? And apologize to the boor yourself. This will discourage him, and it will be a wonderful lesson for everyone present. Personally please yourself with something tasty and pleasant. And love yourself, be sure to love!
And this is also important in the fight against bad mood. Learn to understand your uniqueness, your personal pricelessness. Remember Yevtushenko's poem "There are no uninteresting people in the world" more often. Naturally, someone can be more educated than you, smarter, more experienced, younger, more beautiful. But that doesn't diminish your value, does it? You do not become worse from such a comparison. And why compare, because life is not an eternal competition in which you definitely need to take first place. You are different or different, that's all! Realize this, imbue this thought and go through life with your head held high. Then all sorts of grief will not get you, like annoying mosquitoes and flies.
This is how psychologists advise people with a “fad” that everything should be right. Only those who do nothing at all do not make mistakes. And you - act, therefore, from mistakes are not insured. And in general, what not to do and regret. After all, every failure is, on the one hand, an effective life lesson, on the other hand, an invaluable experience for you, and thirdly, opened door or a launching pad for new achievements.
Do not cling to the past, do not stir up past grievances, leave “that” world to the ghosts. Live in the present and dream of the future. In the end, the past can be mourned seriously - once and for all. And you will have one or ten fewer reasons to be upset. And also very firmly believe that life will definitely make you happy! Be outdoors more often, get new impressions and believe only in the good!
Different cultures view death differently. In Russia, this is a complex, even taboo topic. Most people know that someday they will die, but we try to “not think about sad things”, driving away any thoughts about a possible death. Silence about death is a common position, including among doctors. Doctors really do not like talking about fatal diagnoses, so they try to delegate this mission to the relatives of patients. The dialogue between doctor and patient is usually traumatic for both.
How to make sure that the parties hear each other and not aggravate the suffering of the patient even more - pediatrician and palliative doctor Anna Sonkina-Dorman spoke about this in her speech as part of the Memory Garden Day project at the ARTPLAY design center.
Patient: they spoke cynically and indifferently
The path of experiencing loss, grief begins when we learn the news that radically changes our lives for the worse. In the field of medicine, the most traumatic thing is when a doctor reports a serious diagnosis or, for example, that an operation is impossible. You can remember dozens of films and amazing scenes - the hero learns from the doctor about his condition. This topic always remains in the focus of attention of artists - but not the doctors themselves, they really do not like this part of their profession. That is why talking about a fatal diagnosis is difficult for the doctor and the patient.
I collected data from studies that asked participants to tell how they were given bad news by health professionals. Here are the most common answers: “it was on the go, in the meantime, I was not warned that it was about something serious that would change my fate”; “it was fast and incomprehensible, a lot of complex medical terms who didn’t tell me anything what to do, how to live on”; "It was cynical and indifferent." In most cases, patients, according to them, did not see any signs of compassion from the medical staff, it seemed to them that for a doctor this was a routine matter - a person, and so in a difficult situation, felt small and unnecessary.
Few people can say: "I am grateful to the doctor who told me that I was dying - he was so sensitive, caring, attentive."
Doctor: helplessness and fear of "drowning" in emotions
If patients read doctors' behavior as indifferent and cynical, then, I used to think, doctors don't really care if they deliver bad news. It turns out, no, I still care - it was a great discovery for me. Doctors don't like hard conversations.
Firstly, for a doctor brought up in our age of high-tech medicine, the news of a patient's serious condition is always a loss. stunning scientific discoveries and technology creates the illusion of complete power over fate, so when we cannot promise a cure, we feel that we have not completed it somewhere. It is unpleasant.
Secondly, all doctors say that they do not know what to do with emotions at all. The doctor thinks: “Now I will tell the truth, and the patient will scream or cry, or ask me indignant questions that this cannot be, or I mixed up something. In any case, the reaction will be emotional, and what will I do about it? I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a doctor, I don't know what to do with emotions, they scare me, I'm afraid that they will overwhelm me, I will also begin to worry. And I don't want that."
Thirdly, doctors really do not like the situation of impotence, when they have nothing to offer, no new treatment - they get away from this with all their might. Often this is the reason for already meaningless appointments, more and more new ones. It's just that the doctor cannot, looking into the eyes of his patient, say that further treatment is impossible. It seems to him that he refuses to help.
Fourthly, it is a personal medical fear of death. We don't want to talk about things that bring us closer to thinking about dying.
The bottom line is that a storm of emotions rages in the soul of medical staff, and this leads to the fact that they begin to behave very ridiculously during the announcement of a fatal diagnosis.
Three main mistakes
Based on my practice of teaching colleagues, I can identify three main behaviors that doctors choose when they need to deliver bad news.
First model. The doctor tries to tell about an incurable disease as quickly as possible in order to immediately move on to the good. Example: “Dear Maria Ivanovna, it's good that you came, we received the results of your tests, you have stage 4 cancer, but you should not be upset. We have an experimental treatment that might help you. Then they built a wonderful hospice in our city, there is such excellent pain relief that you will die beautifully without pain and suffering.
What does the patient feel during this time? According to patients, when you hear “stage 4 cancer”, you seem to fall somewhere, you don’t hear anything else, you switch off. And it's natural. Some say that they are in a silent movie: the doctor continues to say something, and the person is in another space. As a result, there is no mutual understanding, the patient does not hear words of support, even if they are spoken. There is only one desire - to leave as soon as possible. It’s good if there is a close person nearby, in whose arms you can cry. It's bad if you have thoughts of suicide.
The second model is no less dramatic and risky. The case when the doctor wants to soften the information. It turns out a set of euphemisms and streamlined formulations - a person listens and does not understand anything. This only increases anxiety. Example: “Dear Petr Petrovich, we have received your results. Given that the biopsy showed many atypical cells, there is hematogenous spread to other organs, a common process. But you have to see, it all depends on your wishes. The patient does not understand what the doctor is trying to say. He comes home, reads on the Internet about his diagnosis and realizes that he is dying.
The third model is not to tell the patient the truth about the disease at all.. She appeared as an alternative to the first two. Until now, in a number of institutions, the norm is to invite a relative and inform him or her of the diagnosis. Let them decide what to do. Often, close people also do not want to injure and upset a loved one. This is how the "conspiracy of silence" is formed - although research shows that 80%-90% of people want and are ready to know the whole truth about their condition. In addition, in our country, at the legislative level, it is established that a citizen has the right to know about the diagnosis.
Time and sympathy
Photo from microban.com
There are also the fourth model, the only correct one, as it gives the patient the main thing - time. This is what is really needed when you find out about an incurable diagnosis. Not a fraction of a second between "you have stage 4 cancer" and "we are referring you to hospice." It takes time to absorb bad news and accept it. But for doctors, this is the most difficult thing, they are physically hurt, because they were taught differently.
So, how do you deliver bad news to a patient? Example:
We have received your test results and are ready to discuss them. Pause.
Unfortunately, the results are not at all what you and I hoped, and I have some bad news for you. Pause.
Unfortunately, and it is very difficult for me to tell you about this, everything indicates that your disease has spread far, and we are forced to ascertain the 4th stage of cancer. Pause - can last from 6 to 10 seconds. The doctor may feel like he is doing nothing. In fact, he does the main thing - he gives time to accept what he heard. It turns out that hours or days are not needed. Enough of these seconds.
And one more important thing. Many doctors say they do not know how to comfort a patient in a difficult moment. Relatives of dying patients face the same problems. When we have a person in front of us who is very upset, we instinctively want to offer something active: advice, help, a promise that everything will be fine. In fact, at this moment, what is needed is not consolation, but sympathy - that is, just presence nearby and willingness to share the emotion, without haste, without calls to look into the "bright future".
Why does it work? Our psyche is so arranged that it seeks to accept reality and work with it. We will not be in a state of denial of negative news all day long. So all that is required of the one who is nearby is not to interfere. There is no point and no need to console - you need sympathy, which is most often manifested in words naming feelings: “I see how it hurts you, it’s insulting, sad, yes, it’s so sad, and I’m sad and sad with you, I want to help you, I'm with you. And most importantly - put an end to this.
Photo RIA Novosti / Alexei Filippov
Different cultures view death differently. In Russia, this is a complex, even taboo topic. Silence about death is a common position, including among doctors. Doctors really do not like talking about fatal diagnoses, so they try to delegate this mission to the relatives of patients. The dialogue between doctor and patient is usually traumatic for both.
Pediatrician and palliative doctor Anna Sonkina-Dorman spoke about this in her speech at the Memory Garden Day project at the ARTPLAY design center how to make sure that the parties hear each other and not aggravate the patient's suffering even more.
Patient: they spoke cynically and indifferently
- The path of experiencing loss, grief begins when we learn the news that radically changes our lives for the worse. In the field of medicine, the most traumatic thing is when a doctor reports a serious diagnosis or, for example, that an operation is impossible. You can remember dozens of films and amazing scenes - the hero learns from the doctor about his condition. This topic always remains in the focus of attention of artists - but not the doctors themselves, they really do not like this part of their profession. That is why talking about a fatal diagnosis is difficult for the doctor and the patient.
I collected data from studies that asked participants to tell how they were given bad news by health professionals. Here are the most common answers: “it was on the go, in the meantime, I was not warned that it was about something serious that would change my fate”; “it was fast and incomprehensible, a lot of complex medical terms that didn’t tell me anything what to do, how to live on”; "It was cynical and indifferent." In most cases, patients, according to them, did not see any signs of compassion from the medical staff, it seemed to them that for a doctor this was a routine matter - a person, and so in a difficult situation, felt small and unnecessary.
Few people can say: "I am grateful to the doctor who told me that I was dying - he was so sensitive, caring, attentive."
Doctor: helplessness and fear of "drowning" in emotions
“If patients read doctors’ behavior as indifferent and cynical, then, I thought before, doctors don’t really care that they give bad news. It turns out, no, I still care about it - it was a great discovery for me. Doctors don't like hard conversations.
Firstly, for a doctor brought up in our age of high-tech medicine, the news of a patient's serious condition is always a loss. Amazing scientific discoveries and technologies create the illusion of complete power over fate, so when we cannot promise a cure, we feel that we have not completed it somewhere. It is unpleasant.
Secondly, all doctors say that they do not know what to do with emotions at all. The doctor thinks: “Now I will tell the truth, and the patient will scream or cry, or ask me indignant questions that this cannot be, or I mixed up something. In any case, the reaction will be emotional, and what will I do about it? I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a doctor, I don't know what to do with emotions, they scare me, I'm afraid that they will overwhelm me, I will also begin to worry. And I don't want that."
Thirdly, doctors really do not like the situation of impotence, when they have nothing to offer, no new treatment - they get away from it with all their might. Often this is the reason for already meaningless appointments, more and more new ones. It's just that the doctor cannot, looking into the eyes of his patient, say that further treatment is impossible. It seems to him that he refuses to help.
Fourthly, it is a personal medical fear of death. We don't want to talk about things that bring us closer to thinking about dying.
The bottom line is that a storm of emotions rages in the soul of medical staff, and this leads to the fact that they begin to behave very ridiculously during the announcement of a fatal diagnosis.
Three main mistakes
— Based on my practice of teaching colleagues, I can identify three main behaviors that doctors choose when they need to report bad news.
First model. The doctor tries to tell about an incurable disease as quickly as possible in order to immediately move on to the good. Example: “Dear Maria Ivanovna, it's good that you came, we received the results of your tests, you have stage 4 cancer, but you should not be upset. We have an experimental treatment that might help you. Then they built a wonderful hospice in our city, there is such excellent pain relief that you will die beautifully without pain and suffering.
What does the patient feel during this time? According to patients, when you hear “stage 4 cancer”, you seem to fall somewhere, you don’t hear anything else, you switch off. And it's natural. Some say that they are in a silent movie: the doctor continues to say something, and the person is in another space. As a result, there is no mutual understanding, the patient does not hear words of support, even if they are spoken. There is only one desire - to leave as soon as possible. It’s good if there is a close person nearby, in whose arms you can cry. It's bad if you have thoughts of suicide.
The second model is no less dramatic and risky. The case when the doctor wants to soften the information. It turns out a set of euphemisms and streamlined formulations - a person listens and does not understand anything. This only increases anxiety. Example: “Dear Petr Petrovich, we have received your results. Given that the biopsy showed many atypical cells, there is hematogenous spread to other organs, a common process. But you have to see, it all depends on your wishes. The patient does not understand what the doctor is trying to say. He comes home, reads on the Internet about his diagnosis and realizes that he is dying.
The third model is not to tell the patient the truth about the disease at all.. She appeared as an alternative to the first two. Until now, in a number of institutions, the norm is to invite a relative and inform him or her of the diagnosis. Let them decide what to do. Often, close people also do not want to injure and upset a loved one. This is how a "conspiracy of silence" is formed - although research shows that 80%-90% of people want and are ready to know the whole truth about their condition. In addition, in our country, at the legislative level, it is established that a citizen has the right to know about the diagnosis.
Time and sympathy
Photo from microban.com
— There are the fourth model, the only correct one, as it gives the patient the main thing - time. This is what is really needed when you find out about an incurable diagnosis. Not a fraction of a second between "you have stage 4 cancer" and "we are referring you to hospice." It takes time to absorb bad news and accept it. But for doctors, this is the most difficult thing, they are physically hurt, because they were taught differently.
So, how do you deliver bad news to a patient? Example:
— We have received the results of your tests and are ready to discuss them. Pause.
“Unfortunately, the results are not at all what you and I hoped, and I have bad news for you. Pause.
- Unfortunately, and it is very difficult for me to tell you about this, everything indicates that your disease has spread far, and we are forced to ascertain the 4th stage of cancer. Pause - can last from 6 to 10 seconds. The doctor may feel like he is doing nothing. In fact, he does the main thing - he gives time to accept what he heard. It turns out that hours or days are not needed. Enough of these seconds.
And one more important thing. Many doctors say they do not know how to comfort a patient in a difficult moment. Relatives of dying patients face the same problems. When we have a person in front of us who is very upset, we instinctively want to offer something active: advice, help, a promise that everything will be fine. In fact, at this moment, what is needed is not consolation, but sympathy - that is, just presence nearby and willingness to share the emotion, without haste, without calls to look into the "bright future".
Why does it work? Our psyche is so arranged that it seeks to accept reality and work with it. We will not be in a state of denial of negative news all day long. So all that is required of the one who is nearby is not to interfere. There is no point and no need to console - you need sympathy, which is most often manifested in words naming feelings: “I see how it hurts you, it’s insulting, sad, yes, it’s so sad, and I’m sad and sad with you, I want to help you, I'm with you. And most importantly - put an end to this.
Here we will talk about how to approach work. The following tips will help you worry less about failures at work, learn to stand up for your rights as an employee, not be afraid of your bosses, and find a balance between life and work.
I was prompted to write this article by the negative experience of many of my acquaintances who take work too seriously, are too emotionally involved in the events that take place in their office. And therefore, intrigues and incidents at work make them worry a lot, thinking about work even in their free time.
My past work experience also served as the basis for this article. Once I let the employer exploit me, stayed at work and saw it as a priority over my personal life. Now I no longer make that mistake. And I want to tell you about the rules that help me protect my personal life from work, stop worrying about mistakes, because of the attitude of my superiors, and consider work activities as serving my own, and not other people's interests.
This post is mainly about . But I think my advice can help workers of all kinds.
Rule 1 - Work for money, not for an idea
This is an obvious statement, don't you think? But, as often happens, people forget the most banal things. And this is facilitated, including, by your employer. It is more profitable for an employer that an employee works mainly for an idea, and only then for money. Why?
A person who understands that the meaning of his work is his salary is very difficult to exploit.
He will not stay a whole month after work, forgetting about family or personal life when he is not paid for it. He will not miss the opportunity to move to another place of work with more favorable working conditions, because he works for money. He will not do a lot of work that is not related to his field of activity if he does not receive financial compensation for this.
He will appeal to the law that regulates labor relations in controversial situations, instead of silently agreeing with the most absurd demands of employers.
Therefore, many corporations seek to find employees with a desire to work "for the idea" and this desire is encouraged in every possible way in the process of work.
Despite the fact that modern corporations are products of capitalist societies, they also contain many features of socialist formations within themselves. A "cult of the leader" is being created, a regulation of corporate values. The purpose of the company and the collective good are elevated to the rank of the highest interest in the work of each employee. An ideological atmosphere is created, in the environment of which the employee works not for the benefit of his own prosperity, but for the benefit of the company, team, society!
They try to convince people that, despite the fact that they earn money by working in a company, they are here for something more than just mercantile interests. And in order to maintain such conviction in people, organizations resort to many different means: trainings, speeches by leaders, propaganda, awards, awarding regalia and titles (“employee of the year”), brand exploitation, imposing patriotism on a corporate scale, etc. and so on.
How absurd the use of these tools goes depends on the particular company. In large Western corporations (Western - not in geographically, and regarding the business building model: Japanese, Korean firms can also be attributed to this model, like many domestic organizations) corporate patriotism is cultivated more strongly than in all other firms.
Is it bad? Not always. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the company is looking for dedicated employees, that it is trying to create incentives for them to work, in addition to money, thereby increasing their interest in the work process.
On the other hand, patriotism, loyalty, corporate values can serve as justifications for the exploitation of personnel for unscrupulous employers. Many companies don't care about anything other than their profits. They do not care about your personal life and your personal interests, it is beneficial for them that you work as hard as possible and as much as possible. And the more you work and the less you ask, the more profitable your work is for the managers and shareholders of the firm, but the less it is beneficial for yourself.
Working “for an idea” also gives rise to a lot of unnecessary worries and frustrations. For a person who works for money, the worst case scenario at work would be his dismissal. He may be afraid that he will not be paid, or will not be paid on time, or he will not receive a bonus. If he made a mistake in his work, he would not lament about it, because he would not necessarily be fired for this?
A person who works for an idea (or for the sake of satisfying his own ambitions) may be afraid that his efforts will not be paid attention to by his superiors, that his colleagues will not admire his professionalism. An employee “for the idea” treats his mistakes at work as a personal tragedy, as proof of his personal failure.
Employees for the idea come sick to work, stay in the office until late, work on weekends, even if they are not paid. For the sake of work, they are ready to neglect their own health, their personal lives and their families. Corporations look upon such behavior as a virtue, although, in my opinion, it is only a form of morbid obsession, subservience and dependence.
Working for money, you have less emotional attachment to work.
By doing this, you become connected to your work with fewer strings that the employer can pull in their own interests, and not in yours. And the less you are attached to it, the less frustration you experience and the more space you have to think about something other than work. As a result, you begin to relate to failures more easily, you forget about work when you come home, reprimanding your superiors does not turn into a personal drama for you, and work intrigues pass you by.
So always remind yourself why you go to work. You are here to earn money, provide for your family. The worst thing that can happen here is that you get fired. For some, dismissal is a critical event, for some it is not, since a job can always be found. But, in any case, dismissal does not mean that you will be anathematized, made a traitor to the Motherland. It means just leaving current work and the search for a new place and new opportunities.
Work is only a means to an end! This is not a goal for which you must sacrifice your family, your health and your happiness.
To work for money means not only to refuse to work primarily “for an idea”. It means not working to satisfy your passions and ambitions. If you work in order to command, to put pressure on people, to seem important to yourself, then you will perceive any failure at work as a challenge to self-esteem and, as a result, you will take failures to heart.
Please do not think that I want to force you to give up your love for what you love, replacing it with cold pragmatism. Love your job, but do not turn this love into a painful addiction! In everything you need to observe the measure.
And I found a better job than the one I had before. The new place did not live up to my expectations and after a month I found an even better place. I still work there (note: I worked there at the time of this writing. I currently work for myself).
Maximum? Exactly. And who said that you should ask the employer for a salary corresponding to the average salary in the market? Why not get paid above average?
First, it is difficult to talk about average salary if you do not know what is happening in the labor market. ( The only way for an ordinary employee to find out about this is to go to interviews, as I wrote)
Secondly, the average salary is like the average temperature in a hospital. Why should you be guided by this figure at all?
Go to interviews, don't be afraid to ask for a higher salary than what you are currently being paid, and look at the reaction of a potential employer. Different companies pay differently. Somewhere they will laugh at your requests, but somewhere they will make you an offer and will pay as much as you ask. Be prepared for anything, visit many different companies, see how things are going there.
Otherwise, you will think that it is impossible to earn more than 50 thousand in your position, working in Moscow. Usually people do not tell anyone about their salary, because "it's the way it is." But this unspoken rule sometimes works against us. We do not know how much our colleagues earn, how much our friends earn, because no one tells anyone such information.
As a result, it becomes more difficult for us to adequately assess the amount of our salary, and therefore we put up with what we are offered. But what if you found out that your office colleague, who works as long as you work, receives 80 thousand? Wouldn't your 50,000 still seem worthy compensation to you then?
(I really have come across such situations more than once when different employees of the same class were paid differently in the same company! Not because they had different experiences, but because one asked for more, the second for less at the interview! will offer more than you ask for, even if they are ready for it.)
Personally, I try to tell my friends how much they pay me if they ask me, and I try to get similar information from them in order to understand what the situation is in the market now and what my position in this market is. Do I need to change something? Is there another possibility?
Of course, I don’t talk about my salary to just anyone, but this issue can be discussed with friends or close colleagues.
Rule 8 - Don't be afraid to lose your job
Your organization is most likely not unique. If you live in major city, especially in Moscow, there are many places where you can work even on the best conditions.
Search, learn, explore, develop. And do not be afraid that if you are fired from this company, your life will end. You may find something else. Don't be afraid to lose this place.
There is nothing wrong with that. Moreover, dismissal is not only grief, it is a chance. Chance to find something better!
Therefore, do not let your superiors blackmail you and intimidate you with dismissal. Moreover, not only you will have problems in connection with your dismissal, but the organization in which you work, since the company will have to look for a new employee and train him. So it is not known who else will have more problems.
At my first job, I did not cope well with the work due to the same inattention and excitement. They began to scare me with dismissal, so they probably wanted to.
I still didn't like working for this organization. So I said, "OK, I'll quit myself." I was not seven spans in my forehead, I was an ordinary, slow, green university graduate. But even such a person the company tried to keep! As soon as I said that I would quit myself, they began to dissuade me from this decision.
It was not profitable for the company to look for another person, despite the fact that I had only been working for a few months and did not know much yet. Perhaps they thought that I was not doing well because of my inexperience and that I needed time to gather my strength and do a quality job. In this they were not mistaken, time passed and I eliminated my shortcomings. Now I'm doing pretty well with both my main job and my second job (this site).
But I still left this company and got a job for more money and better conditions.
Conclusion: the dismissal is not only a loss for you, but also for the company. No one will fire you without the most compelling reasons to do so.
If you want to quit of your own free will, but are afraid that you will let someone down, betray, then discard these stupid doubts! There is no need to perceive the company as a ship in which each employee moves towards common purpose along with other employees. Do not think that if you leave this ship, you betray the general idea.
In fact, the purpose of the company is solely the purpose of the owners of this company and shareholders. In order to achieve their goal on their "ship", they hire rowers who are paid for their work. If you want to transfer to another ship where you are paid more, why not do it? Would you betray your fellow rowers? No, because they will still be paid no matter where the ship ends up (unless it gets caught in a storm). It may be harder for them to row after you leave, but the captain will find a replacement for you. Especially for each of your colleagues, just as you have the choice to leave the ship.
Your goal and the goal of your colleagues on this ship is to row and earn money for yourself and your family.
The captain's goal is some distant island. But, having reached this island, will the captain share its treasures with you? No, he only pays you to row!
Therefore, you do not need to identify your goal with the goal of the corporation. You should not identify your colleagues to whom you have become attached with the heads of the organization. There is a captain, and the rowers are hired workers.
This understanding will help you become less attached to your office and, as a result, worry less about work. After all, there are always other possibilities! And at your current place of work, the light does not come down like a wedge.
Rule 9 - Know the Labor Law
Did you know that weekend work is paid double? Do you know that if they want to fire you, then you are required to pay several salaries (Unless, of course, you are fired under the article)?
Now you know. Study the law, do not let unscrupulous employers exploit your ignorance of the law. The company is required by law to pay overtime. You have the right to have your work paid in full.
Of course, domestic organizations often circumvent the law. For example, this happens in firms with a "gray" part of the salary. In such organizations, an employee has fewer rights: he can be fired just like that, he may not be paid, or his salary may be reduced without warning. This does not mean that I do not recommend working in such firms. But still, I consider the absence of a “gray” salary to be an essential criterion for choosing a job. If the company works "in the white" - this is a big plus.
I am writing about this because many do not think about it and consider tax avoidance to be the most natural thing! When I went to interviews, I asked the question: “Do you have a white salary?”
They looked at me in surprise and answered: “White ?? Of course not! So what?"
And the fact that I, as an employee, is at great risk when I work in such an organization. Most often, everything can be dispensed with and if the organization is normal, you will be paid. But you are not immune from anything. If the company has problems, if it faces the need to reduce employees, you can simply be easily released on all four sides (or simply reduce your salary by half) with virtually no compensation.
Remember, breaking the law and denying you your legal rights is not the norm!
Knowing the law will help you stand up for your rights and make your job easier. After all, you have rights, which means there are guarantees, which means there are fewer reasons for concern.
Rule 10 - Home is separate from work
After work, put all thoughts of her out of your head. Think of something else. Leave all your worries about an unfulfilled plan, a report not sent at your workplace. Work is not the most important thing in life. For many of us, it's just a way to make money. All the endless working intrigues, conflicts, unfulfilled obligations are all nonsense, trifles.
Many of us do not decide the fate of people at work, but are just links in a huge organism that works in the interests of shareholders and owners of a corporation. Is your role in this system really that important to you?
All the activities of the corporation are the employment of some people, the dividends of other people, and access to certain benefits of third people. All corporations together form the market, which has the function of distributing goods and services in society.
It is undeniably useful and helps to organize social relations. Such a system is not an absolute evil. But is it worth deifying this car? To deify the role of the cog in it? Relax! Take this role easy! Didn't get the job done? It's OK. Get it out of your head if the work day is already over. Think about it tomorrow, as the heroine of a famous novel used to say.
Stop obsessing over your work. There are many things in life that need your attention and participation. Work is not your whole life.
Some people are proud of the fact that they give themselves so selflessly to work, they are ready to give up everything in order to please the authorities, to help the development of the company. They see it as nobility, loyalty and a certain kind of heroism. I don’t see anything in this except an escape from my problems, dependence (workaholism), selfishness, weakness, servility to authorities, narrow-mindedness, lack of interests and hobbies.
Your family needs you more than your boss. Your health is more important than any money. Life was not created to be a hero at work for 12 hours every day until retirement. If you devote your whole life only to work, then what will you achieve in the end? Money? Confessions?
Why do you need all this if you have wasted years of your life in vain? This will make you a hero in the eyes of your boss, but is that all you want?
The endless pursuit of money, recognition, fulfillment of the plan, authority and prestige - this is the pursuit of emptiness! There will be nothing at the end, even though it may seem to you now that this is the highest goal!
Work is only a means. A tool to realize your life goals. Work should be subordinated to these goals, and not vice versa. If you treat work as a means, you will be much less frustrated by failure. Your head will become much less stuffed with work matters. You will be able to think of something else besides work. And understand what you really want, what is the true purpose of your life ...
Conclusion – no need to demonstrate knowledge of these rules at work
As I already wrote, I used to be very worried about work and worried a lot about the result. I was ready to stay late, ignoring my wife's desire to be with me at least in the evening. I did it because I thought that “this is how it should be”, that this is the most important thing, that work is “everything”.
But then my attitude to life in general and to work in particular began to change (I wrote about this in an article). I realized that there are many things in life more important than work and work should be subordinated to my life, and not vice versa.
Some people are so arranged that when they suddenly understand something important, come to some new conviction, they give themselves to this conviction with all the passion of a new discovery! Only after some time do they manage to find a balance between their discoveries and the demands of the outside world.
Therefore, when I got tired of worrying about failures, when I realized that work is not the main thing, I began to treat it with demonstrative indifference. When my colleagues again began to accuse me of making a mistake, and because of me some client would not receive his goods today, I, instead of grabbing my head, blaming myself and apologizing (as I did before), calmly said, “so what? What is it? and turned to the monitor.
From extreme to extreme. This of course was not entirely correct on my part. But what was, was. My new reaction was also understandable.
You should not take an example from me in this case and sharply revise your line of behavior at work. Take the work easier, but do not show obvious indifference. If you make a mistake, calmly draw conclusions, try not to make mistakes in the future and openly admit your mistakes. Just don't worry about it, that's all.
If you used to stay late at work all the time, let someone else’s work be blamed on you, and suddenly you got tired of it, then you don’t have to leave right away. workplace, as soon as it hit 18-00, without doing your job (of course you can do this if you don’t value this place at all). People do not expect this from you and expect that the work will be done. Therefore, everyone should be prepared for the fact that you will no longer sit up late and do someone else's work. Warn people about this so they are ready. Warn new employers right at the interview that you will not agree to free overtime.
I am not trying to educate you in some kind of nihilists, I just want you to take your work easier, have other interests in life besides it, do not allow corporations to exploit their own labor!
I also don't try to raise bad workers. If you do not treat work with fanaticism, this does not mean that you will become a negligent employee. On the contrary, you will perform many tasks better if you do not worry too much about possible failure.
The influence of human emotions on effective decision making can be traced in poker. This is a game that I love very much for its versatility. Winning it depends not only on luck, but also on the ability to play.
I think any poker professional will confirm the following thesis. If a player is very worried about the result, worried about the mistakes made, he will start to play even worse, make the wrong decisions and make even more mistakes.
Calmness, control of emotions, calm attitude to losses - the key to success in poker. If a player is strongly emotionally involved in the game, if his goal is to teach other players a lesson, to prove something to someone, to be the very first, and if he is mortally afraid of defeat, he will most likely endure it.
Therefore, approach work the same way a good player approaches the game: calmly and with a cool head. Do not make work a field for the realization of your ambitions and the resolution of your complexes. Your life and dignity are not at stake. Work is not the most important thing in life. Relax!
As a last word of advice, I would advise you not to demonstrate knowledge of these rules in the interview. The employer expects from you that you will work for the idea of the prosperity of the company or for the idea of personal professional development, but not for money! Because it is difficult to exploit a worker for money!
If this is expected of you, then play by the rules of the employer and show with your appearance and answers that Professional Development, the opportunity to work in such a great company is more important to you than money.
I wrote about this in an article.
I hope these tips are helpful to you. Some of them are more suitable for young people living in big cities where there is a wide choice of work. But, I am sure that the advice to take it easier on work is suitable for any employees, of any age and profession!
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Oatmeal or granola, scrambled eggs or avocado toast, yogurt or just a cup of coffee - variations of the first meal can be great amount. But not always what we used to consider as healthy morning habits turns out to be such.
We are in website We believe that you just need to know a few things about breakfast.
It is the food eaten at breakfast that gives the body the necessary energy. Of course, if what hit the table in the morning is useful. Skipping breakfast, the body remains hungry for a very long time, which can lead to various kinds of diseases. Therefore, skipping the first meal in the morning is a huge mistake.
And to make breakfast not only tasty, but also truly healthy, we will talk about some myths.
1. Granola is incredibly healthy, right?
In theory, definitely. However, store-bought granola contains sugar and saturated fat. This combination indicates a high calorie content of the product. Not at all what we expected, right?
But don't worry, there is a way out. Granola is very easy to make at home. It is necessary to mix oatmeal, nuts, coconut flakes, cinnamon and honey and then dry the resulting mass until golden brown in the oven.
2. Low fat is better than fatty
It is a myth. In low-fat dairy products, the lack of fat is compensated by various additives in order to maintain the same taste as in products with a normal fat content. In addition, dairy products containing a small amount of fat negatively affect metabolic processes, which leads to slower absorption of food. It is recommended to choose fatty foods with low sugar content. Such fats not only do not harm the body, they also help maintain a feeling of satiety for a longer period of time.
3. Refusal of protein breakfast
If after breakfast the feeling of hunger has not left the body, then it is worth adding protein foods to the morning diet. For example, eggs, which can be cooked in a variety of ways. But if eggs are not your option, then try eating whole grains for breakfast. They are rich in trace elements, so that the feeling of fullness will last longer. And it is recommended to supplement such a dish with Greek yogurt, which, by the way, is also a source of protein.
4. Egg white instead of a whole egg
This situation is quite common. Egg whites are low in fat and low in calories. The yolk also contains all the trace elements, including fats, iron, vitamins B and D. And it is because of the fats in the yolk that it is believed that it has a detrimental effect on blood cholesterol levels. But studies have shown that this is not the case. Therefore, you can safely make an omelette for breakfast from both protein and yolk.
5. Orange juice
A glass of orange juice for breakfast sounds very healthy and healthy. But the situation changes dramatically when we find out how many oranges are needed per glass. Boxed juices always contain sugar. Instead of a glass of such juice, it is better to eat a whole fruit. Whole fruits will enrich the body with vitamins and fibers.
